ME!!

I was wondering how best i can describe myself in one take, and hence the effort!!

HERE GOES...

I live black! Colours are coincidental.. I love a canvas with a dash of colours.. I swear by my grandmas Pork Vindaloo and sanas. Jack Daniels is inspiration and RC is a way of life... Music lends life to my existance while the music i create can take someones life away... I can sleep all day if i want to, or not sleep at all.. I like to speak to myself, my closest friends and my cellphone in that order.. I do not like the idea of technology invading my life... yet i give in and adopt to it..

I love cars.. the bigger they are... the more i love them.. I like girls... i like them more if they like me back.. I like English restaurants and fancy menu cards.. I like it when my pockets are full. I hate roses as much as i hate "honkers". I like silence when its comfortable to be silent..

I laugh with many but cry to few.. I dont regret shedding a tear.. I love to pack my bags... I love the night sky and i love the sound of laughter...I am amused by another human.. intelligent women keep me engaged... i measure conversation by my energy level at the end of it..

I talk even when i have no listeners.. i can be irritating and caustic.. i can also be shy!! Id rather the horns to the halo...

Bangbangbang!!!!!

I came across this absolutely whacky arbit flash thingie while surfing the net!!! I mean the arbitness beats me for words....

I this this is a must watch!!! Good laugh !!!


add this to your site!

The omelette and the milk!!!!

Ive always wanted to cook something for myself... Ive tried a million times but have failed miserably... even the tea i make turns into some weird brown-black suspension... Mom tried a million times to teach me how to make at least the bare essentials but even she threw up her hands and gave up... Not only that.. she denied me entry into the kitchen...

I however managed to find an ally in Mansij... we would try to make all kinds of "exotic" dishes and would end up making some other "exotic" dish!! After surveying the mess, I would conveniently say "bye bye" while he not just had to clean up but also finish off the delicacies ...

However last week Vinayak and i managed to make our first successful omelette.... scrambled eggs actually... but none the less it was edible!! :)

Happy faces after the successful preparation of the omelette

Good god!!! was I ecstatic or what!!!! I dint cause much damage either... so it was all well.... UNTIL vinayak decided to crave for some milk...

I did not realise that cutting open a milk packet would be that damn difficult... I peacefully slid the blade along the upper corner of the sachet... the milk started gushing out... for some strange reason, i decided to hold the packet tighter. Dammit... the milk would flow more furiously... Just then Ritu enters the kitchen and sees milk spilt all over the kitchen and starts bellowing...

Im more nervous than ever before... more pressure... more milk... man!!!! there was milk all over the place now!!!!
So much for cooking!!!!! grrrrrr....

The pound of flesh!!!

Warning: The hindi conversations are a testimony to my atrocious spoken skills at Hindi.
please carry on at your own peril!!!

Of late I haven’t had the opportunity to blog. But this incident truly deserves a mention…

One bright and sunny morning, Jonnie decide to go to the city. Now city is a good 30 km from our college … so going to the city is like a really time consuming and painful ritual. His cellphone was behaving badly. So he decided to hand it over to the “cellphone clinic”.

Javed, the friendly shopkeeper looks at the phone, “Saab, the IC itself is gone. You will have to change it. I have it ready with me. Come back at 3 pm. Vapas de doonga.”

“Accha… cool hain… 3 pm tak aajaoonga”

Jonnie remembered that his friends were celebrating life by drinking all day on that day. He decided to join them. A little small talk… a little wine… the spirits beginning to soar... and the clock strikes 2:30

“Faaaak… Mera cellphone lana hain… il be back in sometime… leave some wine… damn just when I was beginning to feel nice… “ *mumble mumble*…

“Boss… cellphone ready ho gaya kya??”

“Sirji… er… aapka cellphone Mumbai beja hoon… shaam tak vapas aajayega…”

“Kya hua..”

“Ek chota sa component kharab ho gaya tha…”

“Shaam kab vapas aaoo??”

“7 pm tak aajayie… ready hoga”

*mumble mumble*

“Bastard sent my phone to Mumbai …”

“What the fuck for???”

“Some bloody component…”

“So he could’ve got the component sent here..”

“Er… dint strike me… but WTF!!! Il get it in a couple of hours… Sheily will call only at night so its fine”

“Cheers.. “

The clock struck 7.

“Holy Mother of Christ!!!! Its seven… that fellow told me to collect my cellphone… If the bugger shuts his shop… I’m screwed…”

“Bhaiya!!! Hogaya kya..”

“Saab… Abhi tak vapas nahi aaya”

“Kya bol rahe ho… 7 o clock aane ko bola tha… abhi 9 hogaya hain…”

“Sirji… 10 O clock aajaiye … definitely mil jayega…”

“Yaar, I have to go for a party tonight…”

“Saab… aap kal subah collect kijiye…”

“But my friend will call…”

“No problem… Use this Motorola piece for now…”

“Arre… This is like a brick… How will I carry this around”

“Sir.. ek din ki to baat hain …”

“Fuck it!!!! What a life!!!’

TRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…

“Faaaaaak… I gotta collect the cellphone… Ive got that damn OR lecture in the afternoon… Cant miss it man…”

“What time did he tell you to come?”

“12…”

“Its already 12… u overslept… Your class is at 2:30 na… You better leave now if you wanna attend the OR class”

“FUCK!!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!!”

“ Bhai!!! Hogaya kya??”

“Saab… Kal raat who type puncture ho gaya???”

“Cellphone main tyre kaise aagaya???”

“Saab… who ladka aapka cellphone leke aaraha tha… Tyre puncture ho gaya”

*super puzzled look*

“Now what????”

“Saab… aap ghoomke vapas aajaiye… 3 O clock tak 100% miljayega…”

“Fuck!! There goes my OR class”

3:00 pm

“Ok… done with this bloody hopeless movie… I hope the phone is fixed… the slimy SOB… Il eat his head off if he dosent give me the phone now”

Jonnie managed to find an auto to take him to that “cellphone clinic”. He had already spent close to 400 bucks on these arbit trips. Two of those with a brick in his pocket..

“ Arre… Is shop ka malik kaha gaya hain?”

“Saab… abhi bahar gaye hain… vapas aajayenge… aap yahan wait kijiye”

“Arre chotu… 4 O clock ho gaya… mera cellphone milega ki nahin…”

“Sirji… il call him up…”

“Bhai saab… aap apne darshan karaoge??”

“Aap kaun??”

“Tera baap… saale mera cellphone leke bhaag gaya aur phir poochta hain kaun???”

“Saab… abhi 10 minute main aajaonga… aapka cellphone ready hain”

“10 minute ke baad main paise nahin doonga”

“Saar… abhi aajoonga”

5:30 pm

“ Sirji … lo aapka cellphone..”

“Haa.. thank you ji…” and Jonnie began to walk…

“Sirji… 500 hua …”

“Nahi doonga…”

“Dena hi padega”

“Catch me if you can..”

With this Jonnie began to run…

The fellow chased him and jumped on him.

“ Saale, paise nahi dega??”

“Nahi doonga... kutte... kamine maa*****“

They started beating each other up…

Finally the passers by separated them… Jonnie got into an auto and headed back to the bus stop.

His arm was hurting real bad… He unbuttoned his shirt. And lo!!! There was a huge bite on his chest!!!!

The man had bitten off a good half kg off his chest.

Talk about love bites!!!!

Good night!!!!

Rod wins!!!!!

When i was in high school, we were staying in a rented house near my school.The owner of the
place had this dog called Tommy. He was a stray dog but the owner decided that he resembled him too much to let him remain a mongrel.So that was how Tommy had found a home.Tommy had these whimsical mood swings.... One moment he would be too lazy to bark and the next he would bark at even the neighbours cycle.
One eventful day one of my close friends decided to come over home.He knew of Tommy since he had come home a couple of times..but Tommy hadnt as much as even sniffed at him... So he had the impression that Tommy was too docile to even swat a fly...
"Oye Elweeeeeeeeen"
"Yeah dude... comeeeeeeng" i screamed back from inside.
I was changing so I was taking a bit of time.
Rod decided that Tommy was too tame to be frightened of. He thought that he would be able to manage.
He slowly opened the gate and started walking towards the stairs. Tommy was barking.. But then again barking dogs seldom bite.. so there wasnt any reason to panic... as yet!!
This was when something suddenly went wrong. He had hardly taken a few steps when Tommy suddenly jumped over the small metal separation, which was supposed to keep him from mankind,and headed straight for Rod.
Rod dint quite have an option. He started screaming heading straight towards me. Tommy for some strange reason took this as an opportunity to showcase his athletic abilities.He went straight for Rod's bottoms.He grasped whatever his teeth could.... and that happened to be Rod's wallet.
Rod however kept running.. he ran with all he had... Tommy's canines had penetrated deep into his wallet but even that would not stop him.. he kept running...
Tommy had to give up in the end... Rod won the battle againt the beast... however he still has the wallet with four holes... and fond memories!!!

"Bruno Choo"

Dumass never fails to amuse me… Well!! Here’s one incident that makes me laugh every time I think about it…
Nick was this class topper material who kept pulling her leg all the time… sometimes casually… sometimes nasty… but what he didn’t realize was that her patience was slowly running out…

“Finished your kannada assignment???”
“Oatu”
“Its not oatu dumass… its aitu…”
“Hey Nick… you know im bad at kannada... Why don’t you come over home and teach me??”
“Er… ok… sometime…”
“No you come home today.”
“Today…er... Got a cricket…”
“Pleeeeeeaase” *cheesy smile*
“Hmm…. Ok... Only one hour”
“You won’t need even an hour...”
“What???”
“No… im a very quick learner. So catch you in the evening”

Bruno was a fierce Doberman… Dumass’ Doberman!! Now im sure you know what was on her mind… He had almost always been tied. One look and the weak hearted would invariable realize that they had weak bladders as well…

“Hey Dumass… where are you?”
“One second… Please remain in the porch... I’ll come right away.”

An instant later she opens the door, holding onto the belt that held back Bruno…
“Hey that’s a scary dog. Tie him up”
“Why?”
“He is bloody scary. Tie him up.”
“No I don’t like to tie him up”
“Then I won’t teach you anything.”
“Don’t teach…”
She looked once at Bruno and smiled.
“Bruno Choo”
With that she let Bruno loose. Now I’d like to remind you that Bruno had never ever been let loose when there was a stranger in the house. It was perhaps the first time he had heard those sweet words, “Bruno Choo”.
He ran towards Nick with all he had. In the meanwhile, Nick realized what was happening. He ran straight for the gate. However he realized that he would never get to the gate before Bruno. He noticed a stone slab, and scaled the neighbours wall using that stone. But Bruno did the same thing. By now Nick was screaming his lungs out… running for his life… It was man against beast… He ran right into the neighbor’s house… and didn’t stop running till he reached the balcony. Bruno however wasn’t that lucky. He was stopped at the door. He however wouldn’t budge. He stayed rooted near the door barking and growling. Nick was screaming, tears rolling down his red cheeks.
Dumass walks out smiling…
“Late for cricket match huh??”
“Il tell momma…”

Smitten bitten (??) and now shy...

Jack and Jill dint exactly go up the hill … But well they did what they had to do in there and came back all so sweaty…
Hmmm…
Jack was 24... Oozing testosterone… Jill was 21… she was “yo”!!! Well like in most love stories they swore they wouldn’t have found anyone else better…
On that eventful day I happened to go out with Jack and Jill… Well the chemistry was perfect. Even the most non-sex related topics would make the two of them cuddle up … This is love, I thought to myself!!!!
A couple of drinks later a fourth friend joined us. We discussed at length what love meant to different people... While Jack and Jill seemed to be professors, Ron and I were content playing the role of diligent students. After paying the careful ear for nearly an hour, I realized Jack and Jill had just taken the opportunity (yet again) to tell each other (yet again) how much they loved each other!!! Forgiveness is virtue and im a virtuous man!!! Maybe I was too drunk to pull my hair …
I decided to call it a day. Thought I would get back home and retire to bed early…

Well I would well have had a great nights sleep but for Jack calling me up well past midnight. The gentleman (read ass) that I am… I picked up the call.
“Oye Dude…” *panting*
“Er… er… who is speaking?”
“Dude im in big shit!!!”
“Er.. My sympathies... but who’s speaking”
“Jack…”
“Jack!!!!! What the **** are u calling me up in the middle of my sleep for”
“I got screwed man!!!!”
“You got screwed??? That’s wonderful. Very hearty congratulations… Now can I go back to sleep?”
“No you don’t get it… I just got caught screwing.”
“What in the hell are u talking about??”
“I made out with Jill and got caught.”
“Where??? When??? By whom??”
“I parked the car under a streetlamp on Jefferson Street.”
“Ok... And you thought you guys were the invisible love machines???”
“No I wanted to make sure we knew what we were doing!!”
“Under a streetlamp… yeah ok… go on...”
“The goorkha saw the windows looking abnormal...”
“It’s called respiration my friend.”
“Ah well… anyways… He thought something fishy was going on!!”
“Even I would... ok stop the crap... Tell me what happened... is it big shit or real big shit??”
“Well I had to open the door. He caught me with my pants down.”
“Wah!!! Three cheers to love... did he laugh??? I would have…”
“Ok stop being the cynical bastard… He threatened to raise an alarm.”
“So what did you do? You proclaimed your love for her again??”
“Nahin yaar… I tried… but he dint buy it...”
At this point I couldn’t take it any longer and burst out laughing!!!
“You cynical son of a gun… I thought you had a heart!!!”
“Well I do have a heart but well... The goorkha must well have had a hearty laugh huh…”
“Whatever… the guy took my dads number.”
“And Jill??”
“The goorkha dint see her.”
“So??? ”
“He dint ask her anything...”
I again burst out laughing… This time I was almost in tears.
“You son of a gun… Now what shall I do??”
“Tell your dad everything…”
I was bending over in laughter now, “Marry her dude... You love her don’t you?”
“Er… Well you know…”
“So much for true love”
“Which number did you give?”
“Yours …”
“You friggin chimp in heat… of all your friends on planet Earth, you found me??”
“Please help me out this time… Il return the favor...”
“Trust me dude I won’t make out with my true love under a god dam street lamp…”
“Dude but I hardly ask for favors from you…”
“Ass. I helped you out last week when Sheba and Jill both wanted to eat out at the same place…”
“Er… well ok… but this time… “
“Ok man… so I have to be your dad for a day?”
“Yes!!”
“Hmm… so much for Jack and Jill and going up the hill”
good night!!!

Saved a 40 to shell out a 50

“Boss… Indiranagar??”
“Er... Hundred rupees saar”
“Yaake boss??? It costs just forty bucks to get there”
“Illa Saar... if I put the meter on, it’ll come to around 70 rupees. I’ll have to come back all alone…”
I was wondering what that meant… “Come back all alone???” I wondered.
“No way … had ive traveled from here for the last 24 years of my life…”
“Illa saar... The petrol…”
“Boss u put the meter on… I’ll pay you ten bucks more than the meter reading.”
There was a brief argument after which he relented ……….
….or so I thought…
I sat in the auto rickshaw while the auto driver mumbled, “Software engineer anthe… ipatthu rupaai extra kodakkagalva...”
I ignored his taunts and listened to some good music on my walkman… I gradually forgot the entire struggle and began to feel a joy that can only be associated with Floyd...
Soon we reached the place I was supposed to get off.
One look at the meter ad I was like … “WHAT THE???????”
I have always been a regular traveller on that route but I’ve never ever seen the friggin meter show a whopping 80 bucks. There were times when I had paid 45 bucks and thought I had been fleeced… This was unreal man…
I got off the auto and took out 40 bucks and gave it to him. The guy took that and waited… I started walking… The fellow came after me and asked me to pay up…
I was NOT going to be taken for a ride again… literally and otherwise…
More Auto drivers… more abuses… more threats… finally a cop!!!!
The cop came and saw what was happening…
“Yellinda??”
“Sir Cox town inda...”
The cop looked at the driver.
“Cox town inda ishtu??? Yaako??”
I felt safer now…
There was a brief discussion where the cop spoke at length. Abused at length is more like it…
Finally the drivers left… each one of them giving me cold stares…
Then the surprise.. The cop waits for them to leave and asks me how much money I had…
I said, “Hundred and fifty saar”
“Fifty illi tallu…”
I freaked out… TOTALLY!!!!!!
I gave him a fifty and just walked away…
Some life!!!! Saved a 40 to shell out a 50…. Hmm….

freak facial

Of late I have been hearing so much about women and beauty parlours. One of my friends bragged about spending a full grand over just her hair. Another broke up with her boyfriend just because he did not approve of her latest hairdo. My sister visits the parlour religiously like it’s a ritual. One of my colleagues and close friend happened to streak her hair. While I thought that she was participating in a fancy dress thingie as a tigress, the rest of the office was going “boink” over her new looks…
“Just what the hell have you done that your hair???”
“Just…. It looks good doesn’t it?”
I just nodded my head knowing fully well how much damage an angry HR can do.
However I had made up my mind. This parlour and hair was not going to remain woman’s territory. I wanted to dos something to my hair as well. I considered streaking my hair. The very thought scared me. Then I considered shaving my head off. That was even more frightful. Finally I decided on getting a facial done.
When I walked into the saloon I had no clue what a facial would be like. I told the guy in charge that I wanted a facial done. He asked me which one. Seeing my confused expression, he handed me a booklet. Orange peel facial, Banana Facial… blah blah… I never knew there were so many thingy that could be smeared on a face in the name of a facial.
One of the names sounded interesting…. Hot Sand Facial. I know, anyone would
have avoided that name but I somehow found it very inviting.
He politely asked me to lean back while he started washing my face. Then he started applying an assortment of cakes n creams on my face. Man!!! By now I was beginning to wonder why I had decided on a facial of all things. Things got worse… he got a kettle full of boiling water right next to my face on the pretext of “steam washing” my face. By now I was shitting bricks… He stuck cotton on my eyelids and I was only hoping he wouldn’t raze my neck. When he did remove the cotton, I saw my face and got genuinely frightened. I got the guy to click snaps of my coloured face. At that time I was getting the snaps taken just in case I wanted to complain to the cops…
The ordeal lasted an hour. When the last layer of whatever that was, was removed from my face, the relief on my face was unmistakable. Yet that guy mistook it for one of satisfaction, and said, “I told you, you would like it”.
I just nodded my head while I was wondering if there was any noticeable change in my face… couldn’t find any… Only my wallet felt considerably lighter.Guys!!! Don’t ever get this facial thing done…. Trust me the women just say it to get us all hyper…. If the write up wasn’t scary enough im sure the photos will scare the living daylights outta you

Floral Scentings

"What the fuck are u doing here???"
I turned around and saw my siser enter the room... er... her room
"Er.. er... hmmm..."
"Freak... you are using my perfume??? baaa..."
"No no... i was just comparing which one is better ... mine or yours..."
"Really... i also wanna check out the difference"
"No way. fart face... u wont get even a whiff of my Jordache..."
"Really .. lets see..."
With that she came straight at me ...
For a brief moment i smiled as i imagined a bull charge straight at me... however the smile was wiped off my face ...i thought i was being trampled by an elephant.. whats worse the "wills femme" thingie flew out off my hand and landed on the floor a little ahead...
The bottle did not break (luckily) but she gave me this really scary look ... one that mixed disbelief with absolute anger... i somehow liked the expression and smiled ... That seemed to have angered her even more... but before my smile widened i felt a pain im my stomach... The damn thing was poundin me like i was a puching bag...
I landed a few punches myself... before momma dearest made her presence felt and brought the fledging WWE fight to a halt...
Then there were a series of "she did it... he did it" allegations..
I walked out of her room thnking i had the last laugh...
The little demon came straight after me and caught me totally unaware...
As i bent over to protect myself i realised something was being sprayed all over me...
The damn brat was holding a rotten women's deo spray in each of her hands and spraying the hell out of those cans..
No amount of "bhaashan" on aerosols would stop her... Then she smiled a contened smile and raced back to her room and shut herself up..
I was late for work but i HAD to change... which i did... but the damn "smell" would just not go away...
I had to put up with that smell for a whole day... God!! why would women want to wear jasmine and rose .... freaks!!!

Halli Chuddis II

Well i could not possibly leave the "Halli chuddi" episode incomplete... It kinda pricked me.. so here i am ...
Having obtained the material,we thought the stitching would hardly take any time. What we did not realise then was that nobody would want to stitch them. I am kinda spooked by the fact that no tailor entertained the idea of stitching even a pair of bermudas with that "blue stripe" material... talk about tailors putting up their price... duh!!!
Well we initiallly walked into this posh looking place ... there were a few ladies talking to a fiftyish man while frequently pointing to some silk cloth. My friend drew out the chuddy material and placed it before the man... the women began to whisper among themselves... the man at the counter seemed to sweat...
"Chuddies", she said.
"No madam... we dont do this stuff here", he replied
Talk about attitude problems... we promptly put that thing back in our bags and we left the place and as we left we could hear a peal of laughter... hmm.. well whatever...
This continued for nearly an hour as we got thrown out of every tailors shop.Whatever happened to "Always please your customer" and all that crap...
Then finally one tailor saw our sad faces and said ,"Go to Javed Tailors ... down the street... he stitches chuddis..."
With this we began out lookout for Javed... After half an hour of frantic searching we finally saw a board proclaiming "Javed Tailors" in PINK!!!
We walk in there and saw an old man whom i presumed was Javed.We placed the material before him and said "Chuddies please".
Javed did not have an expression on his face at all.He simply asked, "Kis ke liye saab?"
We were a little confused now but my friend very promptly said.."For him", and pointed straight at me.
Before i could say anything i could feel Javed measuring my wiast size with his tape...
"Pair upar karo saab."
I was now taking orders from Javed .... while some women inside the shop giggled gleefully.Meanwhile my friend seemed to be having a ball laughing at me like i was a circus clown.
He screamed out numbers every minute which made me feel very uncomfortable.I felt like my physical self was being numerically assessed... and the whole scene.. i.e women giggling, friend laughing hysterically at me, Javed screaming out numbers and me moving my legs to Javeds commands... seemed like it was straight out of the Mr.Bean series...
"Saab kal aake collect kar lijiye"
"Sure... well no pockets..
"ok Sir"
".. and let there be a huge loop for the naada..."
"Yes sir"
With that we walked out of "Javed Tailors".
I was visibly relieved while walking out of the place. My friend would refuse to stop grinning the whole day...
I never imagined that getting clothes stitched would be so demanding!!!

The Enlightening!!!!!

For a long time now ive been trying to quit smoking.... Today however i managed to catch my friend smoking in one of those awkward stances!!! man!!!! Id rather quit smoking than be caught like that!!! LOL!!!!

HALLI CHUDDIS -I

It was a brilliant Saturday afternoon. We had just finished off with breakfast at Koshys...
“I want Chaddis… I want Chaddis… I want Chaddis”, ranted an excited friend
“OK here we go… ”, I was equally excited…
We were about to embark upon a search for the Halli Chaddis.Well I guess il give a briefing on the Halli Chaddis that im talking about…
These are knee length shorts which come in only one colour.Blue-gren-white stripes… You wouldn’t miss it I you were to travel to a village and meet an oldie chewing on pan herding his flock and displaying his tri-coloured ware from under his white lungi… (People... stop getting ideas…)

Well after having embarrassed a Levis sales man the last time around, we decided to hit Majestic this time… We get into an auto
“Boss… Majestic…”
And we were already on our way…
When we reached Majestic, we got off, paid the guy and started looking for shops that may be selling halli chaddis…
We went from shop to shop…
“Bhai saab aap ke paas chaddis hai kya…”
Invariably the guy gave us a very confused look…
“Kya... haan boss… halli chaddis… ”
“What is that??”
“Er… Chaddis that u find village guys wear under the lungis”
“Er yes the ones that have green-blue-white stripes…”
“Nahin boss… we don have such chaddis…”

This went on for about an hour… every shopkeeper was initially puzzled, then strangely angered (wonder why) ad the relieved to see us leave…

“Man!! This is more difficult than I thought it would be…”
“I know...”
“I have an idea”
“Now what??”
“We will get it stitched”
The idea seemed to have a startling effect on my friend.. She jumped up and her eyes were gleaming like ive never seen before.
“Yes we will do that”, she said and we started looking around for some shady looking shop…
Instead we saw the Bombay Dyeing Showroom...
“Hello Sir what can I do for you”
“Er... We need trouser material”
“Please have a look around sir.”
With his he started pulling down all the trouser materials that he had…
“Sir… we are looking for stripes”, she said with a rather sober tone.
“Ah… we have pin stripes as well…”
He started showing her pin stripes in hazzaar shades of brown and black.
While they were arguing about shades and stripes, I decided to have a look at the shirting material…
There it was… blue-green-white parallel stripes… that too not evenly spaced.My eyes lit up…
“Found it”, I screamed,“show me that piece…”
The old man was a little puzzled but he pulled down the shirt piece nonetheless…
Her eyes were gleaming with enthusiasm now…
“That one only … That one only...” she screamed…
Everyone seemed to be looking at us while the old ma was now beginning to get nervous…
“Shall I show u pin stripes to match with that shirt sir?”, he asked in a vague tone..
“NO we found the trouser material”, she answered
“Maam, but that is a shirt piece..”
“That’s ok we want to make a trouser out of that..”, I said with a smile on my face..
The poor old guy was bloody scandalized by now… He dint dare to say anything else.

“ER… well how much of it do you need sir??”
She immediately interrupted,”How much is eneded to make chaddis for him?” ad pointed straight at me…
For the first time I was beginnig to feel the heat now as the old man surveyed me with a smile and said,”I think one meter should be enough”.

While he was packing the material, she said something that left me in splits
“Do you have naadas as well???”
The old man was red now… Very Politely he said ,” No sir… we dont have naadas”.
With this we walked out of the shop with triumphant smiles…
“HALLI CHADDIS are here to stay!!!!”

What a drencher!!!!

It was a much needed rejuvenation trip typez… the thought of getting to Mangalore, Surathkal and Manipal never fails to excite me... This time my cousin’s daughter was getting christened and yeah I had to play my role as a responsible uncle…
On the Sunday afternoon I suggested we go to Ullal Beach… I had been to the Surathkal beach the previous day but that only made me want more typez… Every time I get to a beach I tend to switch off completely and tend to drift away… its surprising how it happens every time…
Well I have no particular liking for the sea water though… the sea looks majestic from a distance but the sea water is not really my idea of a perfect drenching… I prefer to watch the waves from a distance while walking along the sandy beach….
When we reached the beach, my cousins were all so excited about getting into the water while I had other ideas... I thought id spend some time by myself walking along the beach, thinking about something or the other. Sunil, the eldest of my cousins , however had other plans… he had gotten a Frisbee and he wanted me on the opposite team so that he could target me… (Ah!! life as a scapegoat…)
The moment we got off the car, I told them I would go on a little walk and come back I some time… What they thought was that I wanted some time off to attend to natures call… Instead I took off towards the far end away from the shore…
Apparently my cousins waited for me for quite sometime… and then they decided to come after me…
My cell phone began to play a terrible version of wasted years…
“Hello”
“Ellidhya magane??”
“I’m having a peaceful time near the rocks… u guys enjoy maadi… gimme a call when Ur ready to leave…”
“Were leaving now… come quickly...”
“Yeah and im superman….”
“Don’t be a spoilsport… come quickly… otherwise…”
“You are scaring me??”
“Id doesn’t take much or does it…”
“Anyways… u guys haffun… I wanna spend some time on my own.. will catch you in about an hours time.. Tata…”
“Fine… as you wish…”
I was under the impression that my cousins had relented and had decided to let the kid be. But I was grossly mistaken… What was supposed to be a killer Frisbee match turned into a thriller man hunt.

Deeply occupied, I walked closer to the shore completely oblivious to my cousins’ devious plans… I walked along humming “Life for rent” and chomping away on some beachside “bhelpuri”… I noticed Joel walking towards the other side… towards the rocks… I thought he must’ve had enough of the sea and quietly chuckled to myself…
Then I saw Danny run towards the bhel puri man on the other side… I again dismissed it as a very natural thing…
I walked along peacefully thinking about the college life and all the things that came with it… Thinking about my initiation into Floyd and floydian living… I saw a thoroughly drenched Sunil call out to me…
“Come here right now… otherwise….”
“Ever heard of ‘Fuck Yourself???’ ”
“Ok dude u asked for it… Look behind you … hehehhehe”
I turned around to see two huge bodies… Danny and Joel were grinning ear to ear… I knew I had no chance… they were each twice my size … I tried to smile but I guess the fright got the better of me… I looked a he with eyes wide open… I guess they would’ve been happy had I walked away with them but something within me seemed to reel against the decision to meekly give in… I decided to run sensing that I had quite a chance considering that both Joel and Danny were big guys… I gathered quite a lead ad I felt rather confident… I turned around while still running with both my fingers strategically held up in the air!!! What I failed to realize was that They Danny and Joel were not the only ones chasing me… all my cousins had strategically spread out and were closing in on me… I had no chance at all… the fingers went down and I was desperately running … anything to escape from these freaks who were now chasing me as if they were chasing down a prize hare…
I was hunted down and I was their prisoner of war!!!! The choices of kannada ghaali came flowing down on me… and what was worse I couldn’t even retort!!!
I dint have to wait too long for worse though cos they immediately carried me to the sea and took me as far into the water as they possibly could… All my “appa amma kapadi” dint move a single muscle in their gigantic bodies…
They dropped me right in the center of nowhere where all I could see was water… I bounced up and down like a basketball… and every time I surfaced they dunked me back in with the glee of a Jordan.
When I did get back to the shore my cousins had had more than they had bargained for… Apparently I made the funniest of noises when I was trying to save my soul…
One of my cousins said he hadn’t heard me make those noises… they promptly carried me back to the sea... I knew it was Joel’s way of getting back at me... The wicked grin said it all…
One more thorough drenching… and that was the Ullal beach trip for me…

Moral of the story: Don’t show the finger unless ur dead sure u can keep it up there...

paper towels!!!

Ok this was hilarious... I was at Styx last evening with a friend of mine... After we realised that there wasnt much to talk about we decided to make things interesting by devising a new game... throwing paper balls at each other... We did have fun no doubt.. In fact we had a blast... But then this waiter turns up ..
"Dont waste the paper towels" in a tone which was more like "You dont friggin pay for those"..
I dont know if it was the drunkenness or if we were genuinely sorry ... well we promptly jumped out of our seats and started picking up all the napkins and "uncrumpling" them... then folded them neatly and put ot right back in the holder...
"Happy???" she asked rather innocently...
The waiter just walked off...
I mean we dint even intend to be rude... lol!!!!!

After a couple of hours we paid the bill.. (damn alco is getting expensive) and walked out of the place... the guy at the door was about to ask me if i had a pleasant evening... and i tripped right into him ... anticipated his question and said... "yeah lovely evening..." all the while sporting a dazed look and an embarrassed smile...
"Trust me im sober" i said to which he just laughed...

Damn ... trust i say!!!!

rain rain dont go away....

I was out at Pecos with a friend of mine on Sunday. We had a lovely time taunting the waiter and making “im so gay” faces at passing “gentlemen”… when it was finally time to leave, it began to pour… It seemed to get worse by the minute…
The friend I had gone with happens to be a total nut… just like me… So I suggested we walk in the rain… You wouldn’t believe the enthusiasm with which she nodded in agreement…
What initially started off as “I can walk faster than you” turned into a mad rush in the rain .. The others who were taking shelter in the nearby shops offered to make space for us but we were in no mood to stop…
“Im the faster one” she screamed and kept running…
Ironically we stopped running only when I was too tired to chase that damn thing… and that was when it stopped raining… or atleast it stopped pouring….
The fun did not end there… the little monkey runs straight towards me and splash lands on a little puddle just to my right… I tried to avoid the splash but…
I tried to give it back… the next few minutes were spent in frantically searching for muddly puddles we could splash land to dirty the others trousers… All the while the passers by were like “WTF????” … our reaction as usual was also “WTF???”
When finally we did decide to stop we looked quite a sight… she had her soiled jeans folded up almost upto her knees while I was running around in a zatang trouser in various shades of brown..
Just before she was about to leave, a brainwave struck me… I jumped on slush … ran towards her and stepped on her feet leaving a big brown blotch on her osho sandals…
The damn rascal got off the vehicle and chased me all over the place and boy did she give it back… grrrrrrrr.. She even managed to get away scot free after parking her bike in the middle of the road thanks to that “look at me im so innocent” smile…

Neways. that was one day when the kid in me was back at its best… and boy did I feel good!!!!!

the cigarette that wasnt to be ... :)

Something weird happened to my friend that deserves a mention on my blog… Its not just strange but outright funny..
Ajay was out on Brigade road to have a good time. While his girl friend was busy shopping in one of the shops in the mall, he decided to have a quick smoke.The fellow found a crowded shack and managed to squeeze his way through the crowd ..
“Ek kings dena yaar…”
He tried to light the cigarette but the crowd was all over him.So he decided to get out of the place and then light the smoke stick. It took him a while to get out but when he did he realised that he had left his cigarette lighter back home… he looked around for some one with a a match but found nobody…
He struggled his way back into the shady shop and managed to light the fag with much difficulty.Another struggle and he was out of the shop.He was sweating and it had been almost fifteen minutes since he had left his girlfriend in the mall and come out looking for a cigarette. For a man who cannot spend an hour without a cigarette ,the relief was quite obvious.
Just as he was about to leave, a big man walked up to him and asked him for his lit cigarette. Ajay thought that the man was wanting to light his fag and so he gladly ofered it to him. The big man just said “Thanks, and walked away. Ajay trailed the man hoping that the man would give him back the cigarette. One puff, two and then another.. the man kept walking… He turned back , saw Ajay and asked
“ Dude, any problem?”
“My cigarette…. ”
“I thought you gave it to me…”
“I though u wanted to light your cigarette…”
“Well do you want it back then??”
“Eh.. ah.. er… no its ok … “
Ajay walked back to the mall… It was a good twenty five minutes since he had left his girlfriend at the mall. Now he would have to listen to her ranting and whats worse he hadnt even fagged… lol!!!!

Encounters of a different kind :)

Ah a little more about the fateful Ooty trip
We had gotten to Mysore when we kinda lost our way .. We had to get to Nanjangud and somehow every road from there seemed to head towards Bangalore.
We looked around for people to help us out but we could not find any… we decided to toss a coin and decide one direction and drive along that direction until we found someone or something that would direct us to Nanjangud… We did not have to drive too far actually… a little ahead we saw a middle aged man ambling along…
Elated at having found signs of life … we drove towards him and stopped the car beside him… He was a big man .
“ Sir, how do we get to Nanjangud”
There was a brief silence and then without a warning he opens the back door and gets into the car. We were visibly psyched.
“Oye, WTF??? What are you doing?”
No reply.. The man was making himself comfortable in the back seat. DJ and I jumped out of the car and tried to get the big man out of the car… There were no passers by and there was no way we could drag the mighty mass out of the car..
“DJ what if that fuck face has a knife or something?”
“Dude.. what should we do.. Shall we drive straight to a police station?”
“No man.. if we get to some place where we see enough people ..we will make some noise”
“But what if the bastard has a knife or something…”
We Peeped into the car and we realised that the man was druk.. he was enjoying his isesta in our car…
“Dj we will drive on… It’s the only thing we can do now.”
We got back into the car… I carefully pulled our bags from the rear area while DJ just drove on…
After two minutes of driving, the big man broke the deafening silence..
“Take a right here..”
I was carefully surveying the man for any signs of a knife or gun…
He said, “ I want to go to Nanjangud myself. I know the way. Theres no bus..I have to get there urgently”
We stayed silent but decided to take the right turn.
We kept driving and up ahead we saw a board “ NANJANGUD –22KM”
We looked around to find some people … only a few scattered shepherds and their goats…
The man tried to make conversation with us but we just stayed silent …
I decided to stay alert and sit ready to pounce in case I wiuld have to.
DJ was petrified now.He is never silent.. and to see his mouth closed for such a long time was really rare and it made me feel uncomfortable.
“Sir, I amd unemploeyd. Are you working?”
we stayed silent.
“I am married and I do not have money .Can you help me please.”
I was getting a little scared now. He was eginning to talk about money. Several thoughts raced across my mind. Is he harmles… Does he have more people waiting for us… Are we screwed???
The man was talking non stop now describing his sorry tales and trying to elicit some sympathy . We on the other had were trying our best to not freak out.
After driving for almost twenty minutes we reached a place where there seemed to be more people.
DJ atopped the car.
“Get out of the car”
“Sir please give me some money”
“Look we will just scream now . You better get out of the car now”
“Give me some money… You will be helping….”
“Dude get the fuck out of here before I scream my lungs out”
DJ was beginning to take a deep breath and was getting ready to give a shrill cry for help…
The mans lowly got out of the car. We were as alert as we could be.
Then he comes slowly towards my window and thrusts his hand into the car.
“Thanks for dropping me here”
I was freaked out… DJ started screaming.
The man looked cofused and he went away.
We drove really fast from there and after we had covered about forty kilometres we stopped the car . We spoke for the first time since we had dropped the man off near Nanjangud.
“Do u think the man was really harmless”
“I don’t know . Maybe he got scared of the people…”
“Maybe he was just plain drunk”
“You mean he dosent know he might be 22 kilometres from Mysore”
We laughed out aloud at the thought of having been fooled by a drunken moron .We laughed louder at the thought of leaving a drunken man twenty odd kilometres from his home… Man!!! But I still wonder … Why me?????



On a glorious trail :)


THE MAN and THE CAR... on the way to OOTY... :)

Duped by damn strawberr-man.

It was our first day in Ooty……
We were two guys in a car trying to make the most of a long weekend… The drive was tiring but worth it . The scenes that met our eyes were mind boggling to say the least. The weather was absolutely brilliant. We could sip hot chai in the open at 2pm on a summer afternoon….
We had all the time in the world and nothing else to do than to roam the rugged streets and ogle at the few pretty dames… Dhananjay suggested that we drive up a certain hill which was overlooking the greater part of Ooty…. I initially disregarded the idea as impractical but within an hours time… sheer joblessness drove us to the point of impracticality!!! Yeah baby!!! we did drive up afterall….
The drive up was along an extremely narrow stretch . The road was just about broad enough to permit one car .. One wrong move at the curves and we could well be history… We managed the drive pretty comfortably until we reached the point where the roads got much steeper . One man jumps right into our way.We brake hard to avoid the man. I even jumped out of the car and uttered choicest kannada abuses at him . He seemed rather bewildered at my expressiveness…. He made the most of the opportunity though and thrust a box of strawberries into my face …
“Organic strawberries sir….”
“Nahin chahiye yaar….”
“ No saar… good strawberry… made in India… very sweet… no fertilizer… no chemical… only natural”
“Nahin chahiya yaar…..”
“No sir … u no understnding… red strawberry… red inside also… see….”
And he bites into one amd proudly displays the insides….
“ see I told you sir… its red”
By now… DJ got out of the car , amused by the bald mans antics…
“Ok boss… how much is it???”
“Only 100 Rupess sir…”
“What the f***!!!! ”
“Organic sir… 20 strawberry sir…. Cheap…”
“ CHEAP MY FOOT!!!!! Five bucks an organifc strawberry???”
“no sir 20 strawberries only 100 rupees”
We were considering our options.. we could go on and on … the man would also go on n on.. we would never get anywhere.He was blocking the road.We couldn’t possibly drive any further without buying his strawberris.We couldn’t reverse either because the road was not wide enough to allow us to reverse .So in a way he strategically forced us into buying the strawberries…
We just about kept the strawberries in the car when our man reappears … this time with organic strawberry jam….
Man … another fifteen minutes of haggling and we were sitting in the car eating strawberries with strawberry jam…. All for rupess one hundred and fifty vonley!!!!! The drive to the top from there on was smoth… the scene from up there was absolutely amazing. We sat there for a long time feasting on chips and biscuits and the organic strawberries…
The drive downhill was less eventful.We reached the foothills in about half an hour.Of course this time we were careful enough to speed past the place before Mr. Organic Strawberry caught us again….
Conning is an art. Some people do it with flair while some just force the victim into submission… Getting conned just happens… only that with me it happens all the time… damn!!!!

my first interview.. :(

It was the second day of campus recruitment ... It was the turn of a huge company, with BIG market credentials, to woo the students on that day.... everyone was visibly excited... there were hazzaar rumours...

"Oye, i heard that they are coming for mass recruitment da...."
"no da... they will pick a few but they are paying big.. really big ..."
"hey heard they are setting up a new fab in Timbuktoo… they need people …. Might even pick a hundred…"

The pre placement talk was scheduled for 2 pm.. Everyone was slogging since the previous three days preparing for all possible questions the freaks may ask…
Some resourceful fellows even managed the qualifying papers from their friends in IITM where the company had just been before they landed in Surathkal. The typical Krecian Jugaad was to be seen everywhere… the zerox shops had queues of guys tryin to get a copy each of the probable questions… while back in the blocks the control c and control v keys were being used overtime…
When I stepped into to the mess for lunch,it was surprisingly empty… hardly anyone was there… everyone was apparently studying for the qualifiers…. I was wondering if I stood a chance at all…

At 2 pm I found myself sitting in the front row in the ATB…. I was listening attentively to all the crap they had to say..
"We are world leaders in….we can do that … this and the other… we are the best… "
[so??]

After all the ranting about their company, they decided half an hour of bragging was good enough…They finally revealed the package… it was a pretty huge pay-pack by all standards… so we were kinda excited about the entire thing…

Immedaitely after, they announced the rather high cut off which I barely cleared and then they started distributing the papers….
The paper was not the one that everyone had got from IITM… The company had lived up to its name… the faces of the students clearly lost a shade or two… all their efforts had gone waste…. Even I was a little flustered as it was only my second apti [thats what we called it]

Although I cleared the apti paper with ease… the technical section was a total bomb… it was hopeless trying to answer that paper… it was near impossible for anyone to crack that paper…

After an hour and a half I slowly trudged out of the hall.. everyone was clearly disappointed… the long faces said it all…[log long faces... some sight..]

The results were scheduled to be out round about 5 pm… and I had no hope whatsoever of qualifying for the interviews … so I decided to go to the adda… our very own “Krishnas” for my cup of tea…. I didn’t realise how time flew by and before I realised one of my friends came running towards me…

“Abbe tera naam list main hain…”
For a moment I did not undrstand what was going on…
“abbe jaldi chal yaar… tera interview bees minute main hain….”

I was in a state of shock… I had not expected in the least to have qualified…
I got up and ran towards the hostel… somehow I felt that having cleared the difficult test,I would sail through the interview ... [hopes...]

I dressed up hurriedly yet immaculately in my new pair of formals et al… I hurried towards the Placement centre… the light drizzle which was so common during those placement days slowly turned into a heavy shower… when I reached the placement centre I was wet … I did not even have a minute to breathe easy… Before I could gather by breath I realised I was in a small room , wet and panting before a young man who did not look too pleased with my presentation skills…
After briefly introducing myself I told him a little about my interests and my favourite subjetcs… He listened very patiently and then said…
“You are an electronics student eh… hmm… I do not know much of electronics but I will try to ask you something… ”
with this he started my technical interview… he asked me a couple of questions on electronics and then “What are the programming languages you know???”
“C sir”
“only C??”
“yes sir… we had only C in our syllabus”
“no C++ also??”
“no sir”
“hmmm… fine il give you a piece of code … tell me… " blah blah
“ ok sir”… blah blah..
[but I managed to give him the correct answers… and i was feelin really really good now]
“ tell me something about OOPS..”
“Object Oriented Programming sir”,I said with a gleam in my eye…
“what is that???”
“well I don’t know … but …”[WTF?? how am I suppposed to know??]
“u don’t know object oriented programming???”
“no… we dint have that in…”
“ok.. do u know a bit of Java??” [yeah rt!!!! ]
“No sir..”
“PL/SQL… data base management???”
“No sir…” [oye... dude im an electronics engineer]
“What else do u know in computers??”
“I know how to work on matlab , pspice VHDL n verilog…”
“what is that????? But u do not know OOPS concepts eh??”
[not again... ]
“No sir…”
“hmmm……. Where are you actually from??”
I realised that my interview ended there… I did not know what to do… I was so shaken up by the whole experience…
“ sir .. from Bangalore..”
“I am sorry Elwin but we are looking for highly technical computer guys”
I was about to scream, “Do I look like a friggin imbecile to you??”… but I managed to keep it down to a mumble…
“Thank you” I said and walked out….
That was my first interview… the results,negative and the after effects,still showing…