Halli Chuddis II

Well i could not possibly leave the "Halli chuddi" episode incomplete... It kinda pricked me.. so here i am ...
Having obtained the material,we thought the stitching would hardly take any time. What we did not realise then was that nobody would want to stitch them. I am kinda spooked by the fact that no tailor entertained the idea of stitching even a pair of bermudas with that "blue stripe" material... talk about tailors putting up their price... duh!!!
Well we initiallly walked into this posh looking place ... there were a few ladies talking to a fiftyish man while frequently pointing to some silk cloth. My friend drew out the chuddy material and placed it before the man... the women began to whisper among themselves... the man at the counter seemed to sweat...
"Chuddies", she said.
"No madam... we dont do this stuff here", he replied
Talk about attitude problems... we promptly put that thing back in our bags and we left the place and as we left we could hear a peal of laughter... hmm.. well whatever...
This continued for nearly an hour as we got thrown out of every tailors shop.Whatever happened to "Always please your customer" and all that crap...
Then finally one tailor saw our sad faces and said ,"Go to Javed Tailors ... down the street... he stitches chuddis..."
With this we began out lookout for Javed... After half an hour of frantic searching we finally saw a board proclaiming "Javed Tailors" in PINK!!!
We walk in there and saw an old man whom i presumed was Javed.We placed the material before him and said "Chuddies please".
Javed did not have an expression on his face at all.He simply asked, "Kis ke liye saab?"
We were a little confused now but my friend very promptly said.."For him", and pointed straight at me.
Before i could say anything i could feel Javed measuring my wiast size with his tape...
"Pair upar karo saab."
I was now taking orders from Javed .... while some women inside the shop giggled gleefully.Meanwhile my friend seemed to be having a ball laughing at me like i was a circus clown.
He screamed out numbers every minute which made me feel very uncomfortable.I felt like my physical self was being numerically assessed... and the whole scene.. i.e women giggling, friend laughing hysterically at me, Javed screaming out numbers and me moving my legs to Javeds commands... seemed like it was straight out of the Mr.Bean series...
"Saab kal aake collect kar lijiye"
"Sure... well no pockets..
"ok Sir"
".. and let there be a huge loop for the naada..."
"Yes sir"
With that we walked out of "Javed Tailors".
I was visibly relieved while walking out of the place. My friend would refuse to stop grinning the whole day...
I never imagined that getting clothes stitched would be so demanding!!!

The Enlightening!!!!!

For a long time now ive been trying to quit smoking.... Today however i managed to catch my friend smoking in one of those awkward stances!!! man!!!! Id rather quit smoking than be caught like that!!! LOL!!!!

HALLI CHUDDIS -I

It was a brilliant Saturday afternoon. We had just finished off with breakfast at Koshys...
“I want Chaddis… I want Chaddis… I want Chaddis”, ranted an excited friend
“OK here we go… ”, I was equally excited…
We were about to embark upon a search for the Halli Chaddis.Well I guess il give a briefing on the Halli Chaddis that im talking about…
These are knee length shorts which come in only one colour.Blue-gren-white stripes… You wouldn’t miss it I you were to travel to a village and meet an oldie chewing on pan herding his flock and displaying his tri-coloured ware from under his white lungi… (People... stop getting ideas…)

Well after having embarrassed a Levis sales man the last time around, we decided to hit Majestic this time… We get into an auto
“Boss… Majestic…”
And we were already on our way…
When we reached Majestic, we got off, paid the guy and started looking for shops that may be selling halli chaddis…
We went from shop to shop…
“Bhai saab aap ke paas chaddis hai kya…”
Invariably the guy gave us a very confused look…
“Kya... haan boss… halli chaddis… ”
“What is that??”
“Er… Chaddis that u find village guys wear under the lungis”
“Er yes the ones that have green-blue-white stripes…”
“Nahin boss… we don have such chaddis…”

This went on for about an hour… every shopkeeper was initially puzzled, then strangely angered (wonder why) ad the relieved to see us leave…

“Man!! This is more difficult than I thought it would be…”
“I know...”
“I have an idea”
“Now what??”
“We will get it stitched”
The idea seemed to have a startling effect on my friend.. She jumped up and her eyes were gleaming like ive never seen before.
“Yes we will do that”, she said and we started looking around for some shady looking shop…
Instead we saw the Bombay Dyeing Showroom...
“Hello Sir what can I do for you”
“Er... We need trouser material”
“Please have a look around sir.”
With his he started pulling down all the trouser materials that he had…
“Sir… we are looking for stripes”, she said with a rather sober tone.
“Ah… we have pin stripes as well…”
He started showing her pin stripes in hazzaar shades of brown and black.
While they were arguing about shades and stripes, I decided to have a look at the shirting material…
There it was… blue-green-white parallel stripes… that too not evenly spaced.My eyes lit up…
“Found it”, I screamed,“show me that piece…”
The old man was a little puzzled but he pulled down the shirt piece nonetheless…
Her eyes were gleaming with enthusiasm now…
“That one only … That one only...” she screamed…
Everyone seemed to be looking at us while the old ma was now beginning to get nervous…
“Shall I show u pin stripes to match with that shirt sir?”, he asked in a vague tone..
“NO we found the trouser material”, she answered
“Maam, but that is a shirt piece..”
“That’s ok we want to make a trouser out of that..”, I said with a smile on my face..
The poor old guy was bloody scandalized by now… He dint dare to say anything else.

“ER… well how much of it do you need sir??”
She immediately interrupted,”How much is eneded to make chaddis for him?” ad pointed straight at me…
For the first time I was beginnig to feel the heat now as the old man surveyed me with a smile and said,”I think one meter should be enough”.

While he was packing the material, she said something that left me in splits
“Do you have naadas as well???”
The old man was red now… Very Politely he said ,” No sir… we dont have naadas”.
With this we walked out of the shop with triumphant smiles…
“HALLI CHADDIS are here to stay!!!!”

post-CAT Introspection

CAT 2003 came... its went right past...
ah... my bones were broken... how could i possibly have done well... *sympathy sympathy*
CAT 2004 came.. it whooshed right past...
er... well i hadnt prepared... well how could you have cleared CAT without preps...

CAT 2005.. YEAH I KNOW IT FRIGGIN SPED PAST ME AND I WAS CAUGHT STARING...

Good god!!! what does it take to get past this goddam hurdle ... man!!! im at my wits end now...
I mean how much can a human being falsely console himself and fake excuses...
I mean i dint have any broken bones this time round... now was i unprepared... but yes the CAT
friggin slipped outta my hands yet again... the only solace... i came close... but yeah BIG DIFFERENCE!!!

Coming to think of it... I think i did fairly ok... much better than my previous attempts (ah.. more consolation)
but i think my best was just not good enough.
Well im keeping my fingers crossed about my chances with the non IIMs but i guess the gates of the IIMs are well and truly shut fo me...

Im kinda getting to terms with the fact that a year of studies has come to nought... While the enormity fo the situation sinks in I guess its time for some
SWOT analysis...

Well what from here on??? Frankly DONNO!!!
circles i say!!! CIRCLES!!!

What a drencher!!!!

It was a much needed rejuvenation trip typez… the thought of getting to Mangalore, Surathkal and Manipal never fails to excite me... This time my cousin’s daughter was getting christened and yeah I had to play my role as a responsible uncle…
On the Sunday afternoon I suggested we go to Ullal Beach… I had been to the Surathkal beach the previous day but that only made me want more typez… Every time I get to a beach I tend to switch off completely and tend to drift away… its surprising how it happens every time…
Well I have no particular liking for the sea water though… the sea looks majestic from a distance but the sea water is not really my idea of a perfect drenching… I prefer to watch the waves from a distance while walking along the sandy beach….
When we reached the beach, my cousins were all so excited about getting into the water while I had other ideas... I thought id spend some time by myself walking along the beach, thinking about something or the other. Sunil, the eldest of my cousins , however had other plans… he had gotten a Frisbee and he wanted me on the opposite team so that he could target me… (Ah!! life as a scapegoat…)
The moment we got off the car, I told them I would go on a little walk and come back I some time… What they thought was that I wanted some time off to attend to natures call… Instead I took off towards the far end away from the shore…
Apparently my cousins waited for me for quite sometime… and then they decided to come after me…
My cell phone began to play a terrible version of wasted years…
“Hello”
“Ellidhya magane??”
“I’m having a peaceful time near the rocks… u guys enjoy maadi… gimme a call when Ur ready to leave…”
“Were leaving now… come quickly...”
“Yeah and im superman….”
“Don’t be a spoilsport… come quickly… otherwise…”
“You are scaring me??”
“Id doesn’t take much or does it…”
“Anyways… u guys haffun… I wanna spend some time on my own.. will catch you in about an hours time.. Tata…”
“Fine… as you wish…”
I was under the impression that my cousins had relented and had decided to let the kid be. But I was grossly mistaken… What was supposed to be a killer Frisbee match turned into a thriller man hunt.

Deeply occupied, I walked closer to the shore completely oblivious to my cousins’ devious plans… I walked along humming “Life for rent” and chomping away on some beachside “bhelpuri”… I noticed Joel walking towards the other side… towards the rocks… I thought he must’ve had enough of the sea and quietly chuckled to myself…
Then I saw Danny run towards the bhel puri man on the other side… I again dismissed it as a very natural thing…
I walked along peacefully thinking about the college life and all the things that came with it… Thinking about my initiation into Floyd and floydian living… I saw a thoroughly drenched Sunil call out to me…
“Come here right now… otherwise….”
“Ever heard of ‘Fuck Yourself???’ ”
“Ok dude u asked for it… Look behind you … hehehhehe”
I turned around to see two huge bodies… Danny and Joel were grinning ear to ear… I knew I had no chance… they were each twice my size … I tried to smile but I guess the fright got the better of me… I looked a he with eyes wide open… I guess they would’ve been happy had I walked away with them but something within me seemed to reel against the decision to meekly give in… I decided to run sensing that I had quite a chance considering that both Joel and Danny were big guys… I gathered quite a lead ad I felt rather confident… I turned around while still running with both my fingers strategically held up in the air!!! What I failed to realize was that They Danny and Joel were not the only ones chasing me… all my cousins had strategically spread out and were closing in on me… I had no chance at all… the fingers went down and I was desperately running … anything to escape from these freaks who were now chasing me as if they were chasing down a prize hare…
I was hunted down and I was their prisoner of war!!!! The choices of kannada ghaali came flowing down on me… and what was worse I couldn’t even retort!!!
I dint have to wait too long for worse though cos they immediately carried me to the sea and took me as far into the water as they possibly could… All my “appa amma kapadi” dint move a single muscle in their gigantic bodies…
They dropped me right in the center of nowhere where all I could see was water… I bounced up and down like a basketball… and every time I surfaced they dunked me back in with the glee of a Jordan.
When I did get back to the shore my cousins had had more than they had bargained for… Apparently I made the funniest of noises when I was trying to save my soul…
One of my cousins said he hadn’t heard me make those noises… they promptly carried me back to the sea... I knew it was Joel’s way of getting back at me... The wicked grin said it all…
One more thorough drenching… and that was the Ullal beach trip for me…

Moral of the story: Don’t show the finger unless ur dead sure u can keep it up there...

More Drunk Stories... :)

9:00 am

“Knock knock”…
“Kaun hain be bho****”
“Tera baap”
“OYE!!! ELLY!!!!!! Yaar tu kab aaya yaar”
With these pleasantries I was welcomed into my junior’s room when I had been to KREC over the weekend...
“We were expecting you this morning… but this early… man u must be missing college...”
“Woh sab chodo yaar …sab kuch ready hain kya??”
There was a loud burst of laughter.. Others heard my loud laughter and made their presence felt… more laughter … more noise…
The boys were very nice to me … they played my favorite Floyd music… It dint matter that it was only 9 am… the guys were already busy doing what they do best…
A lot of talking… dancing … prancing around… burin CD’s... I was on my way!!!
“Yeah babay!!!”

“Abbe u chose the wrong day to land here dude… TCS is here for placements…”
“Does it matter???”
“Well actually it does.. Scores are bad re...”
“No problem man… we will go for the treat after your test”

Two of them were not giving TCS anyways… so I decided to go to Liquid Lounge with them while the others would join us there after the test…

3:30 pm

One of us decided that he wanted o go home ad that he would return in a short while…
So that meant that only two of us were at LL …
“Two long island tea please”
I was a recommendation from a close friend of mine… Boy!!! Did like it or what…
“Bacardi limon… two large please”
This was another of her recommendations… nice nice!!!!
By now I was already feeling that nice feeling… more chicken…
The third guy joined us by now… and we raised a toast to his arrival….
“Three more Bacardi limon please...”
A short while later…
“Three more please”
By now the others joined in… and it was flowing Bacardi…
Then it all came back to me…..
My cousin… oh yes… my cousin… he told me that I was supposed to be at his place by 5:30 pm… I was supposed to be all ready to go for some party… some family bonding session typez... It was already 5 now…
At just that moment I realized that I had received a call a short while earlier ad spoken some rubbish… I immediately pulled my cell ad checked… Yes it had been my cousin…
It wasn’t jus my cousin I had spoken rubbish to… I had spoken to two other friends…
I was wondering what I spoke to all of them as well as contemplating what to tell my cousin when I call him up… both at the same time… the black eyed peas music being as good as it was dint really make things very easy for my thinking…

I fumbled with my cell phone and managed to dial my cousin’s number..
“hello”
“Hello … u called???”
“Abbe... WTF??? Where are you??? You ok??”
“I’m just fine….”
“Yeah I figured… boss everyone will be here in half an hours time… what will you do…”
“Boss!!!! Help!!!!! Bachao!!!!”
“Drink some tea and get here immediately…”

“Abbe Chetan… ask him if he has some tea”
“Boss!! One long island tea please”

When it arrived I realized it wasn’t the tea that I wanted… but I drank it anyways…
My cousin asked me to drink tea… I doesn’t matter what tea it was… lol!!!!

I paid up and prepared to leave… I realized I couldn’t even walk straight… Now the seriousness of the whole party thing was slowly dawning on me… I was supposed to meet many of my uncles whom I hadn’t met in ages… boy!!! This was gonna be one helluva meeting!!!!

I ran to a nearby “good angadi” and picked up 5 bucks worth of mint gum and chewed the living daylights outta each one of them.. Blowing into my palm every now and then to check if I was stinking…

When I reached my cousins place only my cousin was there… he was waiting for me… apparently the party was at Moti Mahal…

My cousin gives me one look…
“U drunk SOB!!!! Go have a bath…. U smell like you’ve been swimming in whiskey..”
“But I …..”
“FU… go catch a shower quickly… were already late… bas****”
I was thanking my stars for the fact the only my cousin was home… I was also wondering how eve after 5 “Super mint” bubble gums I was still stinking… I was now mildly laughing…. It would take me at least an hour before I would begin to feel like an earthling …

I had a quick shower and came out..
“ok the stink is take care of… now wait … Il make some tea… u should feel a little more… er whatever”
“Really???”
“Fu… don’t open your mouth… the stink is taken care of otherwise…”
I got dressed… thanks to generous doses of perfume I was smelling presentable… While I downed one mug of tea after the other… my cousin was spelling out the dos and don’ts…
“Don’t get anywhere close to the aunties… they can detect the smell from a mile...”
“Don’t talk for too long with any uncle... They will recognize the familiar smell...”
“Be to the point with your answers… no adventures…”
“No playing with children… just sit beside me… don’t go anywhere …”
I nodded my head for everything he said….

Boy!!! Was it fun or what!!!

6:40 pm

We reached the party hall… It was huge… thankfully…
“Bandhya…. Naavu ninge kaithidhevu…”
I just smiled as instructed…
I avoided everyone ad wet to the shadiest corner and sat down… I told my cousin o get me some fruit punch… While my cousin was gone one huge aunty spotted me ad came towards me… I was like…
“WTF??? Now what the hell will I do???? No Sunil also… Good God!!!!

The aunty just about reached ear me when my cousin appeared from nowhere and started talking to her…
“Pappu hosa car tokonda anthe… “
“Howda.. Elli…???”
“Toristhini aunty...” and he led her outside… saved again… wah beta..
This went on for almost an hour… each incident closer than the other… Time seemed to be moving so slowly!!! Man every second seemed like an eternity in itself…

When finally we left the place I knew how close I had been to achieving the “Drunkard” tag... Wonder what excuses I would have had to come up with had I been caught… man!!! Close shave huh!!!

one year down the line...

What a feeling it is to be back in college!!!! Seriously I never thought id feel so friggin nostalgic.. I mean the moment I stepped into college I was struck by a million thoughts and even more memories… Every block I passed and every path I took.. every corner… every nook… every shady spot reminded me of something or the other.. I was so full of memories… it seems unbelievable now…
I went straight to my close friends room… nothing had changed… the rooms were still yellow and packed with a million essentials… the boys still ran around semi naked and the use of expletives was still unrefrained… nothing had changed!!!! Each room was playing something or the other… the corridor was still as noisy as when I left it …
For a moment I was wondering how much things have changed since I graduated from college…

As I sat on the rocky KREC beach , the entire year passed by me… how many things had changed… Life is so hectic now that I have to actually make time for my friends… friends who were so much a part of my life… I specially mention Ksheetij here… He was my room mate… friend… guide… he teased me… taught me and was there for me … wherever we went we were together… A year has passed and ive met him only twice… isn’t hat sad…

I can actually imagine my friends yell.. “yaar ek aur jalao yaar”… “yaar mangalore chalte hain”… “ek aur peg dalna yaar” and now all I can hear is a monotonous,“ submit @$#@$!@#% by Saturday evening”, “can u come over the weekend for just a couple of hours…”
Damn!!! Some life this!!!

There was right to free speech…there never was a dull moment and never a time when I had to face a damn boring and inexpressive bum shouting orders at me… now all I get is “do that”…”complete this”…“when will you complete that thing I gave you yesterday….”
Damn !!!! some such a piss off!!!

The more I think I realize im slowly getting into the matrix… one from which however much I may try I cant get out of..

man!!!!!

paper towels!!!

Ok this was hilarious... I was at Styx last evening with a friend of mine... After we realised that there wasnt much to talk about we decided to make things interesting by devising a new game... throwing paper balls at each other... We did have fun no doubt.. In fact we had a blast... But then this waiter turns up ..
"Dont waste the paper towels" in a tone which was more like "You dont friggin pay for those"..
I dont know if it was the drunkenness or if we were genuinely sorry ... well we promptly jumped out of our seats and started picking up all the napkins and "uncrumpling" them... then folded them neatly and put ot right back in the holder...
"Happy???" she asked rather innocently...
The waiter just walked off...
I mean we dint even intend to be rude... lol!!!!!

After a couple of hours we paid the bill.. (damn alco is getting expensive) and walked out of the place... the guy at the door was about to ask me if i had a pleasant evening... and i tripped right into him ... anticipated his question and said... "yeah lovely evening..." all the while sporting a dazed look and an embarrassed smile...
"Trust me im sober" i said to which he just laughed...

Damn ... trust i say!!!!

I got tagged....

Okay!!! I did get tagged... It was Thetis...

so here goes

Three names I go by:
1)Ellie
2)Elwin
3)Kaunds

Three Screen Names:

1)Sanity_sucks
2)elwin_kaunds
3) blah!!

Three things I don't like about myself:

1) my laziness after its cost me something i really really really like...
2) the "FU" look after ive pissed off someone nice
3) the laughter after ive totally ruined my own chances...

Three things that scare me:

1)my mom when she gives me that look...
2)Britney and her band of imbeciles(they look like theyve come straight out of e zee horror show)
3)me... well yeah sometimes... but im generally harmless...

Three essentials:
1)Dreams
2)Hope
3)Determination

Three things I like in the opposite sex:

1)women give me a patient hearing... most men simply cut me off :(
2)hmmm.. well i like them most times except when they utter the word "Shopping"
3)er.. is it that damn difficult to find a third positive... sheesh!!!

Three things that I want to do badly now:

1)prove Einsteins Theory of Relativity wrong... i say E is not equal to mc squared... i mean it dosent sound right...
2)Hit the pub
3)sleep... zzzzzzzz

Three places I'd love to go on vacation:
1)Switzerland
2)The carribbean islands
3)my college beach... yeah my college had a beach :)

Three things i wanna do before dying:

1)Travel the world over
2)beat my DSP lab attender black n blue
3)bribe the guy who will write my epitaph

Three people who get to take this wonderful quiz (!!!):
1) Jax
2) Shwe
3) Shilpa

rain rain dont go away....

I was out at Pecos with a friend of mine on Sunday. We had a lovely time taunting the waiter and making “im so gay” faces at passing “gentlemen”… when it was finally time to leave, it began to pour… It seemed to get worse by the minute…
The friend I had gone with happens to be a total nut… just like me… So I suggested we walk in the rain… You wouldn’t believe the enthusiasm with which she nodded in agreement…
What initially started off as “I can walk faster than you” turned into a mad rush in the rain .. The others who were taking shelter in the nearby shops offered to make space for us but we were in no mood to stop…
“Im the faster one” she screamed and kept running…
Ironically we stopped running only when I was too tired to chase that damn thing… and that was when it stopped raining… or atleast it stopped pouring….
The fun did not end there… the little monkey runs straight towards me and splash lands on a little puddle just to my right… I tried to avoid the splash but…
I tried to give it back… the next few minutes were spent in frantically searching for muddly puddles we could splash land to dirty the others trousers… All the while the passers by were like “WTF????” … our reaction as usual was also “WTF???”
When finally we did decide to stop we looked quite a sight… she had her soiled jeans folded up almost upto her knees while I was running around in a zatang trouser in various shades of brown..
Just before she was about to leave, a brainwave struck me… I jumped on slush … ran towards her and stepped on her feet leaving a big brown blotch on her osho sandals…
The damn rascal got off the vehicle and chased me all over the place and boy did she give it back… grrrrrrrr.. She even managed to get away scot free after parking her bike in the middle of the road thanks to that “look at me im so innocent” smile…

Neways. that was one day when the kid in me was back at its best… and boy did I feel good!!!!!