Raped!!!!

I feel violated!!! Oh Hell!! I do!!
The WAC assignment was due for submission on the 14th at 10 am. Its one of those bloosy subjects where the prof refuses to acknowledge that a printout is neater than a handwritten doc.
"Ink and paper", he says, " Its difficult to copy from a handwritten doc."
Well.. the case was not too difficult... Frankly, it seemed rather straight... I saw everyone around me making notes and I wondered why people were spending so much time on a case so simple...
WAC can wait..

The night before submission, I began to read the case again... this time a lil more attentively... I realised that it wasnt half as easy as i thought i was... 3 hours into making notes and i was back where i started... no leads...
More coffee... more abuses... more notes...
No effect...
I was beginning to get a lil irritated... i was feelin like a complete idiot...

I ran to my neighbours room. People had already completed thier assignments. I asked them for ideas. The pointers seemed absolutely fascinating... but as soon as i got back to my room, i realised that they were very generic and did not pertain to the case...

More thinking... no ideas... damn my grey cells..
I made a rough draft and decided it was not worthwhile wasting my sleep over the silly assignment. At half past five while jogging along for the mandatory jog, i went over the case in my mind... nothing different seemed to strike me...
By now, almost everyone had completed thier assignments and i was beginning to get a little worried.

I hurried back, picked the draft and started preparing the fair copy, promptly incorporating anything that seemed remotely logical... In an hours time i was done with the write up. The solutio seemed logical and the more i read the write up, the more perfect it seemed.
I was proud of my abilities... i was beginning to feel like an analyst.. wow!!!!
I would soon be THE man every consultancy would want...

A week passed by peacefully... then the prof walks into class with a bundle of papers..
"a couple of good ones... the rest belongs to the bin"
I was confident that mine was one of the 'couple" he mentioned..
"Highest in class... 26/40... average score ... around 18-20/40."

I checked my paper... 12/40
I turned it around to see if it could be 26 written any other way...
I read through the case again... I was struck with disbelief... How would a piece of genius fetch just 12 marks????
I checked the comments
"The solutions are structured well... but your problem definition is wrong. You have identified and solved the wrong problem.... "
What the hell... i atleast SOLVED a problem...
12!!!???!!!

Violated!!! hammered!!! ego squashed to pulp!!!
RAPED... yet life goes on!!!!

FCQ!!!!

For the uninitiated... FCQ's are "frequently conducted quizzes" which are conducted every saturday morning !!!

3:30 pm -Friday Afternoon
"Abbe.. are you sure we have RM & BLaw and nothing else"
"We could have HRM..."
"Who told you???"
"Room 8445 ...."
"Fuck man... Mr.XYZ was also hinting at a probable MM test.."
"Seriously?? how many chapters has he covered??"
"donno man.. wat abt DA???"
"i doubt.. he caught us unawares last week"
"accounts???"
"nahin re... he hasnt even covered 2 chapters..."
"ops???"
"oh fuck!! wait a sec... i forgot abt ops.. and ERP!!"
"Shit!!"
"So we could have RM, BLaw,OPS or ERP???"
"Yeah... 9:30 am tomorrow"
"hmmm......"

10:30 am saturday
"abbe... I studied RM and BLaw.."
"bloody... i hit a night out... i did ops also.."
"DA?????"
"I know... who would have expected DA back to back???"
"i friggin slogged all night and the bottomline... well nevamind"
"hmmm....."

Did someone say Murphy???? :D

The pound of flesh!!!

Warning: The hindi conversations are a testimony to my atrocious spoken skills at Hindi.
please carry on at your own peril!!!

Of late I haven’t had the opportunity to blog. But this incident truly deserves a mention…

One bright and sunny morning, Jonnie decide to go to the city. Now city is a good 30 km from our college … so going to the city is like a really time consuming and painful ritual. His cellphone was behaving badly. So he decided to hand it over to the “cellphone clinic”.

Javed, the friendly shopkeeper looks at the phone, “Saab, the IC itself is gone. You will have to change it. I have it ready with me. Come back at 3 pm. Vapas de doonga.”

“Accha… cool hain… 3 pm tak aajaoonga”

Jonnie remembered that his friends were celebrating life by drinking all day on that day. He decided to join them. A little small talk… a little wine… the spirits beginning to soar... and the clock strikes 2:30

“Faaaak… Mera cellphone lana hain… il be back in sometime… leave some wine… damn just when I was beginning to feel nice… “ *mumble mumble*…

“Boss… cellphone ready ho gaya kya??”

“Sirji… er… aapka cellphone Mumbai beja hoon… shaam tak vapas aajayega…”

“Kya hua..”

“Ek chota sa component kharab ho gaya tha…”

“Shaam kab vapas aaoo??”

“7 pm tak aajayie… ready hoga”

*mumble mumble*

“Bastard sent my phone to Mumbai …”

“What the fuck for???”

“Some bloody component…”

“So he could’ve got the component sent here..”

“Er… dint strike me… but WTF!!! Il get it in a couple of hours… Sheily will call only at night so its fine”

“Cheers.. “

The clock struck 7.

“Holy Mother of Christ!!!! Its seven… that fellow told me to collect my cellphone… If the bugger shuts his shop… I’m screwed…”

“Bhaiya!!! Hogaya kya..”

“Saab… Abhi tak vapas nahi aaya”

“Kya bol rahe ho… 7 o clock aane ko bola tha… abhi 9 hogaya hain…”

“Sirji… 10 O clock aajaiye … definitely mil jayega…”

“Yaar, I have to go for a party tonight…”

“Saab… aap kal subah collect kijiye…”

“But my friend will call…”

“No problem… Use this Motorola piece for now…”

“Arre… This is like a brick… How will I carry this around”

“Sir.. ek din ki to baat hain …”

“Fuck it!!!! What a life!!!’

TRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…

“Faaaaaak… I gotta collect the cellphone… Ive got that damn OR lecture in the afternoon… Cant miss it man…”

“What time did he tell you to come?”

“12…”

“Its already 12… u overslept… Your class is at 2:30 na… You better leave now if you wanna attend the OR class”

“FUCK!!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!!”

“ Bhai!!! Hogaya kya??”

“Saab… Kal raat who type puncture ho gaya???”

“Cellphone main tyre kaise aagaya???”

“Saab… who ladka aapka cellphone leke aaraha tha… Tyre puncture ho gaya”

*super puzzled look*

“Now what????”

“Saab… aap ghoomke vapas aajaiye… 3 O clock tak 100% miljayega…”

“Fuck!! There goes my OR class”

3:00 pm

“Ok… done with this bloody hopeless movie… I hope the phone is fixed… the slimy SOB… Il eat his head off if he dosent give me the phone now”

Jonnie managed to find an auto to take him to that “cellphone clinic”. He had already spent close to 400 bucks on these arbit trips. Two of those with a brick in his pocket..

“ Arre… Is shop ka malik kaha gaya hain?”

“Saab… abhi bahar gaye hain… vapas aajayenge… aap yahan wait kijiye”

“Arre chotu… 4 O clock ho gaya… mera cellphone milega ki nahin…”

“Sirji… il call him up…”

“Bhai saab… aap apne darshan karaoge??”

“Aap kaun??”

“Tera baap… saale mera cellphone leke bhaag gaya aur phir poochta hain kaun???”

“Saab… abhi 10 minute main aajaonga… aapka cellphone ready hain”

“10 minute ke baad main paise nahin doonga”

“Saar… abhi aajoonga”

5:30 pm

“ Sirji … lo aapka cellphone..”

“Haa.. thank you ji…” and Jonnie began to walk…

“Sirji… 500 hua …”

“Nahi doonga…”

“Dena hi padega”

“Catch me if you can..”

With this Jonnie began to run…

The fellow chased him and jumped on him.

“ Saale, paise nahi dega??”

“Nahi doonga... kutte... kamine maa*****“

They started beating each other up…

Finally the passers by separated them… Jonnie got into an auto and headed back to the bus stop.

His arm was hurting real bad… He unbuttoned his shirt. And lo!!! There was a huge bite on his chest!!!!

The man had bitten off a good half kg off his chest.

Talk about love bites!!!!

Good night!!!!

Bloody long hiatus!!!

Hi folks!!!
Im so friggin tempted to say the cliched " Im back ..... and im better than ever"
Seriously i feel so ME now that im back to blogging..
I had lost my account password and had a torrid time retrieving it...
nevamind the excuses... im back!!!
AND THATS THE BOTTOMLINE!!!!
mug!!!

Rod wins!!!!!

When i was in high school, we were staying in a rented house near my school.The owner of the
place had this dog called Tommy. He was a stray dog but the owner decided that he resembled him too much to let him remain a mongrel.So that was how Tommy had found a home.Tommy had these whimsical mood swings.... One moment he would be too lazy to bark and the next he would bark at even the neighbours cycle.
One eventful day one of my close friends decided to come over home.He knew of Tommy since he had come home a couple of times..but Tommy hadnt as much as even sniffed at him... So he had the impression that Tommy was too docile to even swat a fly...
"Oye Elweeeeeeeeen"
"Yeah dude... comeeeeeeng" i screamed back from inside.
I was changing so I was taking a bit of time.
Rod decided that Tommy was too tame to be frightened of. He thought that he would be able to manage.
He slowly opened the gate and started walking towards the stairs. Tommy was barking.. But then again barking dogs seldom bite.. so there wasnt any reason to panic... as yet!!
This was when something suddenly went wrong. He had hardly taken a few steps when Tommy suddenly jumped over the small metal separation, which was supposed to keep him from mankind,and headed straight for Rod.
Rod dint quite have an option. He started screaming heading straight towards me. Tommy for some strange reason took this as an opportunity to showcase his athletic abilities.He went straight for Rod's bottoms.He grasped whatever his teeth could.... and that happened to be Rod's wallet.
Rod however kept running.. he ran with all he had... Tommy's canines had penetrated deep into his wallet but even that would not stop him.. he kept running...
Tommy had to give up in the end... Rod won the battle againt the beast... however he still has the wallet with four holes... and fond memories!!!

"Bruno Choo"

Dumass never fails to amuse me… Well!! Here’s one incident that makes me laugh every time I think about it…
Nick was this class topper material who kept pulling her leg all the time… sometimes casually… sometimes nasty… but what he didn’t realize was that her patience was slowly running out…

“Finished your kannada assignment???”
“Oatu”
“Its not oatu dumass… its aitu…”
“Hey Nick… you know im bad at kannada... Why don’t you come over home and teach me??”
“Er… ok… sometime…”
“No you come home today.”
“Today…er... Got a cricket…”
“Pleeeeeeaase” *cheesy smile*
“Hmm…. Ok... Only one hour”
“You won’t need even an hour...”
“What???”
“No… im a very quick learner. So catch you in the evening”

Bruno was a fierce Doberman… Dumass’ Doberman!! Now im sure you know what was on her mind… He had almost always been tied. One look and the weak hearted would invariable realize that they had weak bladders as well…

“Hey Dumass… where are you?”
“One second… Please remain in the porch... I’ll come right away.”

An instant later she opens the door, holding onto the belt that held back Bruno…
“Hey that’s a scary dog. Tie him up”
“Why?”
“He is bloody scary. Tie him up.”
“No I don’t like to tie him up”
“Then I won’t teach you anything.”
“Don’t teach…”
She looked once at Bruno and smiled.
“Bruno Choo”
With that she let Bruno loose. Now I’d like to remind you that Bruno had never ever been let loose when there was a stranger in the house. It was perhaps the first time he had heard those sweet words, “Bruno Choo”.
He ran towards Nick with all he had. In the meanwhile, Nick realized what was happening. He ran straight for the gate. However he realized that he would never get to the gate before Bruno. He noticed a stone slab, and scaled the neighbours wall using that stone. But Bruno did the same thing. By now Nick was screaming his lungs out… running for his life… It was man against beast… He ran right into the neighbor’s house… and didn’t stop running till he reached the balcony. Bruno however wasn’t that lucky. He was stopped at the door. He however wouldn’t budge. He stayed rooted near the door barking and growling. Nick was screaming, tears rolling down his red cheeks.
Dumass walks out smiling…
“Late for cricket match huh??”
“Il tell momma…”

From Idlis to the IIMs

Very inspiring article!!!!
Amazing how people overcome adversity by staring it in face!!!
check it out for yourself!!!!
just in case ur unable to read it from the pic thats attached, an excerpt of the interview in text form is included:

From the slums of Chennai to the hallowed precincts of IIM-A, you are among the select few who realised their dreams...

I always dreamt of earning enough one day to take my mother away from the one room hut we stayed in, to a life of comfort.

I have had a tough childhood and until I joined BITS-Pilani for my graduation, I thought everybody had a similar life.

I was just six when my father left us to face starvation. With a meagre salary of Rs 30, which she earned through a job, she managed to educate me and my siblings.

To make ends meet, she would make idlis and I would sell them on the streets.

But after all this, you refused a job offer of Rs 8.5 lakh per annum?

It would have been very easy to take up a corporate job and give my family all the comforts they have never had. But that's not my ambition.

I'd rather have my own company and employ one person who can support four other lives. That is why I have decided to begin my catering business.

Why only catering?

Serving someone food is an extremely satisfying feeling. The smile that you get after giving good food to someone is
an experience to cherish. Moreover, this industry has less investment and a high turn-over. For the time being though, I am working hard to negotiate offers I have received from different companies and individuals.

And how is life otherwise?

I love bikes and cars... and yes, I do have a girlfriend who's very supportive

PS: source courtesy ToI!!!

Smitten bitten (??) and now shy...

Jack and Jill dint exactly go up the hill … But well they did what they had to do in there and came back all so sweaty…
Hmmm…
Jack was 24... Oozing testosterone… Jill was 21… she was “yo”!!! Well like in most love stories they swore they wouldn’t have found anyone else better…
On that eventful day I happened to go out with Jack and Jill… Well the chemistry was perfect. Even the most non-sex related topics would make the two of them cuddle up … This is love, I thought to myself!!!!
A couple of drinks later a fourth friend joined us. We discussed at length what love meant to different people... While Jack and Jill seemed to be professors, Ron and I were content playing the role of diligent students. After paying the careful ear for nearly an hour, I realized Jack and Jill had just taken the opportunity (yet again) to tell each other (yet again) how much they loved each other!!! Forgiveness is virtue and im a virtuous man!!! Maybe I was too drunk to pull my hair …
I decided to call it a day. Thought I would get back home and retire to bed early…

Well I would well have had a great nights sleep but for Jack calling me up well past midnight. The gentleman (read ass) that I am… I picked up the call.
“Oye Dude…” *panting*
“Er… er… who is speaking?”
“Dude im in big shit!!!”
“Er.. My sympathies... but who’s speaking”
“Jack…”
“Jack!!!!! What the **** are u calling me up in the middle of my sleep for”
“I got screwed man!!!!”
“You got screwed??? That’s wonderful. Very hearty congratulations… Now can I go back to sleep?”
“No you don’t get it… I just got caught screwing.”
“What in the hell are u talking about??”
“I made out with Jill and got caught.”
“Where??? When??? By whom??”
“I parked the car under a streetlamp on Jefferson Street.”
“Ok... And you thought you guys were the invisible love machines???”
“No I wanted to make sure we knew what we were doing!!”
“Under a streetlamp… yeah ok… go on...”
“The goorkha saw the windows looking abnormal...”
“It’s called respiration my friend.”
“Ah well… anyways… He thought something fishy was going on!!”
“Even I would... ok stop the crap... Tell me what happened... is it big shit or real big shit??”
“Well I had to open the door. He caught me with my pants down.”
“Wah!!! Three cheers to love... did he laugh??? I would have…”
“Ok stop being the cynical bastard… He threatened to raise an alarm.”
“So what did you do? You proclaimed your love for her again??”
“Nahin yaar… I tried… but he dint buy it...”
At this point I couldn’t take it any longer and burst out laughing!!!
“You cynical son of a gun… I thought you had a heart!!!”
“Well I do have a heart but well... The goorkha must well have had a hearty laugh huh…”
“Whatever… the guy took my dads number.”
“And Jill??”
“The goorkha dint see her.”
“So??? ”
“He dint ask her anything...”
I again burst out laughing… This time I was almost in tears.
“You son of a gun… Now what shall I do??”
“Tell your dad everything…”
I was bending over in laughter now, “Marry her dude... You love her don’t you?”
“Er… Well you know…”
“So much for true love”
“Which number did you give?”
“Yours …”
“You friggin chimp in heat… of all your friends on planet Earth, you found me??”
“Please help me out this time… Il return the favor...”
“Trust me dude I won’t make out with my true love under a god dam street lamp…”
“Dude but I hardly ask for favors from you…”
“Ass. I helped you out last week when Sheba and Jill both wanted to eat out at the same place…”
“Er… well ok… but this time… “
“Ok man… so I have to be your dad for a day?”
“Yes!!”
“Hmm… so much for Jack and Jill and going up the hill”
good night!!!

Pune Files

Day One:
The signboard which greeted us in Pune read, “Mahindra Erectors”…
Awesome start to the trip I thought to myself…
We roamed the streets… got shouted at by the auto drivers … there was an instance where we got off the auto thinking that it was our destination only to realize that it was only a traffic signal.

Thanks to Dumass we found a room … After washing up we set out to do that thing we do… We roamed the streets... The German bakery happened… then the Osho gardens.
Varun and Vikram joined us… more loafing... More jokes…. It was finally time for alcohol. 

Thousand Oaks:
“Sorry Sir… only couples entry… ”
“Boss we’ve come all the way from Bangalore just to see Thousand Oaks”
“Yes yes... I understand … but couples only…”
More haggling... finally the guy agreed to let us have the drinks in the garden…
The historic SA-Aus match was going on and we were in no mood to stay in the garden...
Dumass steps in and does some talking… God knows what she did in there but the guy allowed us all to go right in… hmmm…
Awesome match!!! Brilliant ending… (Always wanted the SA team to beat the Aussies…) Barman’s pitcher… one more… a coupla long island ice teas and Pune was beginning to treat us just fine!!!!
Awesome first impression of Pune!!!!!!

Day two:
We missed the bus to Hinjewadi.. What a start to the day!!! We had to take an auto... Needless to say we got fleeced. But the campus was amazing man!!! Very clean and very well maintained… A few things scared us but on whole we were quite impressed by the campus… Encouraging scenes… decent hostel block… good canteens and hang-outs… peaceful overall… 
Missed the bus yet again and autoed the way back yet again…. Hmmm. That’s something we ought to learn… the bus timings

And I headed back home much lighter …

Saved a 40 to shell out a 50

“Boss… Indiranagar??”
“Er... Hundred rupees saar”
“Yaake boss??? It costs just forty bucks to get there”
“Illa Saar... if I put the meter on, it’ll come to around 70 rupees. I’ll have to come back all alone…”
I was wondering what that meant… “Come back all alone???” I wondered.
“No way … had ive traveled from here for the last 24 years of my life…”
“Illa saar... The petrol…”
“Boss u put the meter on… I’ll pay you ten bucks more than the meter reading.”
There was a brief argument after which he relented ……….
….or so I thought…
I sat in the auto rickshaw while the auto driver mumbled, “Software engineer anthe… ipatthu rupaai extra kodakkagalva...”
I ignored his taunts and listened to some good music on my walkman… I gradually forgot the entire struggle and began to feel a joy that can only be associated with Floyd...
Soon we reached the place I was supposed to get off.
One look at the meter ad I was like … “WHAT THE???????”
I have always been a regular traveller on that route but I’ve never ever seen the friggin meter show a whopping 80 bucks. There were times when I had paid 45 bucks and thought I had been fleeced… This was unreal man…
I got off the auto and took out 40 bucks and gave it to him. The guy took that and waited… I started walking… The fellow came after me and asked me to pay up…
I was NOT going to be taken for a ride again… literally and otherwise…
More Auto drivers… more abuses… more threats… finally a cop!!!!
The cop came and saw what was happening…
“Yellinda??”
“Sir Cox town inda...”
The cop looked at the driver.
“Cox town inda ishtu??? Yaako??”
I felt safer now…
There was a brief discussion where the cop spoke at length. Abused at length is more like it…
Finally the drivers left… each one of them giving me cold stares…
Then the surprise.. The cop waits for them to leave and asks me how much money I had…
I said, “Hundred and fifty saar”
“Fifty illi tallu…”
I freaked out… TOTALLY!!!!!!
I gave him a fifty and just walked away…
Some life!!!! Saved a 40 to shell out a 50…. Hmm….