DUH!!!!!! Some life this!!!!
It’s been some time now since I’ve been thinking… “Is this what I really want to do? Stare at the goddam monitor hoping for a miracle …”
Am I cut out for this… Is this what I’ve studied for twenty years of my life… And frankly I still have no clue… I’m as confused as ever n it only gets worse..
Walking down that lane trying to figure out where I went wrong… the answer still eludes me… was it when I chose science over arts?? Was it when I topped school n chose to do engineering in electronics or was it when I chose to do my engineering in erstwhile KREC???
While in college, the picture of a software engineer that was presented to me was that of a hi-flying, hi-earning, well dressed, polite and “all-having” demi god!! Now I see the things that were not visible in the picture… the stress, deadlines, peer pressure, expectations and more deadlines…
Staring at a goddam picture tube for at least ten hours out of the possible twenty four, trying to discover those damned bugs and cleansing the code of all unrighteousness… duh!!!! Some life!!!!!
I cant imagine doing this all my life… presenting some ragged piece of code.. convincing my seniors that this is the best that ever was… and then basking in the glory of my helplessness..
Yes this is life my friend… I know it aint what I set off to become.. but having become just what I dint want to .. im waiting for the miracle… Yes there is hope … It keeps me alive..
3 comments:
Welcome to the real world dude!
Year 1 - You are fresh with hopes and dreams and preconcieved rosy picture of life as a software engineer. You feel your interpersonal skills and enthusiasm are superior compared to any of your sleep-walking seniors. And you dream of writing entire RTOSes and the next version of MS Office.
Year 2 - You have already spent a year in this company and you feel you have not learnt one bit. In college, every semester you felt a shade smarter but 1 year of working has hardly given you the learning you thought you would get. You havent even made as many friends as you did in 1 week of college! You prepare for MBA and GRE and wait eagerly to go back to studies.
Year 3 - Assuming your studies didnt take off too well. You are eagerly waiting for your first promotion! After this promotion, you have made up your mind to quit! Greener pastures await you with twice as much salary.
Year 4 - You have a newer job, bigger paycheck, bigger responsibilities (read many excel sheets to fill and emails to send) Technical studies dont appeal anymore. All your friends are either married or settled abroad. You dont really care if you are fixing bugs in mainframes or writing drivers for missile controllers. All you care for is the steady flow of money,a couple of annual pleasure jaunts abroad and enough free time for yourself to do other things in life.
After this I dont know what happens!! I am not there yet!
Well honey I'd say fill up those intellectual gaps with a lotta parties, while u can!!!
PS: Ajax I see ur still stealing lines!!
Well,what iam worried about is not the deadline nor the peer pressure,but the mere fact that iam no different from millions of others....and the nagging thought that "is this what i wanted".
As Lyn said,the only way right now is to try out different stuff and wait for something new to happen.I guess everyone has to go thro the same effing process before finding out what really she/he is in life.
By the way,party hard whenever possible.One secret i know is to keep urself busy all the time.Then you wont get the effing time to worry about something....
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