I got tagged....

Okay!!! I did get tagged... It was Thetis...

so here goes

Three names I go by:
1)Ellie
2)Elwin
3)Kaunds

Three Screen Names:

1)Sanity_sucks
2)elwin_kaunds
3) blah!!

Three things I don't like about myself:

1) my laziness after its cost me something i really really really like...
2) the "FU" look after ive pissed off someone nice
3) the laughter after ive totally ruined my own chances...

Three things that scare me:

1)my mom when she gives me that look...
2)Britney and her band of imbeciles(they look like theyve come straight out of e zee horror show)
3)me... well yeah sometimes... but im generally harmless...

Three essentials:
1)Dreams
2)Hope
3)Determination

Three things I like in the opposite sex:

1)women give me a patient hearing... most men simply cut me off :(
2)hmmm.. well i like them most times except when they utter the word "Shopping"
3)er.. is it that damn difficult to find a third positive... sheesh!!!

Three things that I want to do badly now:

1)prove Einsteins Theory of Relativity wrong... i say E is not equal to mc squared... i mean it dosent sound right...
2)Hit the pub
3)sleep... zzzzzzzz

Three places I'd love to go on vacation:
1)Switzerland
2)The carribbean islands
3)my college beach... yeah my college had a beach :)

Three things i wanna do before dying:

1)Travel the world over
2)beat my DSP lab attender black n blue
3)bribe the guy who will write my epitaph

Three people who get to take this wonderful quiz (!!!):
1) Jax
2) Shwe
3) Shilpa

rain rain dont go away....

I was out at Pecos with a friend of mine on Sunday. We had a lovely time taunting the waiter and making “im so gay” faces at passing “gentlemen”… when it was finally time to leave, it began to pour… It seemed to get worse by the minute…
The friend I had gone with happens to be a total nut… just like me… So I suggested we walk in the rain… You wouldn’t believe the enthusiasm with which she nodded in agreement…
What initially started off as “I can walk faster than you” turned into a mad rush in the rain .. The others who were taking shelter in the nearby shops offered to make space for us but we were in no mood to stop…
“Im the faster one” she screamed and kept running…
Ironically we stopped running only when I was too tired to chase that damn thing… and that was when it stopped raining… or atleast it stopped pouring….
The fun did not end there… the little monkey runs straight towards me and splash lands on a little puddle just to my right… I tried to avoid the splash but…
I tried to give it back… the next few minutes were spent in frantically searching for muddly puddles we could splash land to dirty the others trousers… All the while the passers by were like “WTF????” … our reaction as usual was also “WTF???”
When finally we did decide to stop we looked quite a sight… she had her soiled jeans folded up almost upto her knees while I was running around in a zatang trouser in various shades of brown..
Just before she was about to leave, a brainwave struck me… I jumped on slush … ran towards her and stepped on her feet leaving a big brown blotch on her osho sandals…
The damn rascal got off the vehicle and chased me all over the place and boy did she give it back… grrrrrrrr.. She even managed to get away scot free after parking her bike in the middle of the road thanks to that “look at me im so innocent” smile…

Neways. that was one day when the kid in me was back at its best… and boy did I feel good!!!!!

Purpose??? whats that

I was just wondering about how much we all know about the purpose of our existance… Am I the only one or is everyone around me about as unclear… What am I here on earth for??? What am I supposed to be doing?? Is what I am doing actually done towards doing what I am supposed to do??? Phew!!! Are we really guided by a super power??? Is there a meaning to fate lines and weird charts?? Well I do not know… Are we really the “masters of our destiny” or is it that our destinies are written for us even before we enter this world…
After the accident in December 2003, while I was lying down in the hospital with four broken bones I was wondering why I wore my helmet on that day.. I generally did not wear a helmet but on that day it seemed to come naturally to me to wear one… If I hadn’t there was no way I could have escaped… Is it merely a coincidence??? Does that mean that my purpose for existence is still not satisfied???
I was trying to figure out the funda behind my purpose and it just got weirder by the minute… According to a friend of mine, we live because we have a purpose. This statement kinda perplexed me no end… Does that mean that when a person dies his purpose is fulfilled?? Its ironical that a man should never know what he is living for until he is alive no more… Does a man realize what his purpose his living was after his death??? Well no one knows… I was wondering if a man knows his purpose the moment before his death… the whole concept of purpose becomes more absurd when u wonder if there is a purpose in the first place… If there is then how would you explain the death of a baby before it sees the world…
Well I do not know the answers… But I do know its time to sleep… Good night people…

rantings of a bored mind

I was surfing channels on television and I realized how few genuine music channels actually existed… I was chatting with a friend of mine and even she seemed to be echoing the same thought…
Initially there was MTV with all its promises of non stop good music… I must say that they were really good initially and they played some amazing music… Then gradually the good music started drying up while the crappy pop thing began flooding most of the shows… there was not a moment on the channel when Britney and her band of teenage wannabe whackos were not talked about… Their songs seemed to be “music”… well whatever… As if to prove that there weren’t just female wannabe artistes… a whole new clan of boy-bands spawned and they seemed to make MTV their very own hotspot…
“hit me baby one more time…”, “I want it that way…”
All songs seemed to come straight out of “What not to say in Bed”….
Duh!!!
The rockers had very little to be happy about with only the night rock shows showing some semblance to music… Soon even that dried down to merely a show a night… and the reason .. well they had to accomodate variety in the channel in the form of hindi music… well it did seem like an okish idea but somebody ought to tell them that hindi music is not all about raunchy outlandish hip shakers baring it all to the “tune” of some “freak gawaar” turned “yo-punk overnight”….
While the abuses continued to flow in , there was some respite in that Channel V began to play some decent music… well how long could they hold on … with more and more junta preferring “meri beri ka ber” to “Romeo and Juliet”.. even Channel V shifted to airing more of the “most wanted” music…
So what does that leave us with… oddly timed shows with fleeting glances of Lennon and Morrison interspersed with Keating, Bryan, Shakira and the like…. Is there no channel which plays good music???? Damn!!!!
As if to answer our prayers … some god blessed soul launched VH1. Well by far the best music channel as yet on cable television.
Although VH1 is my favourite music channel as of now… there still are some reservations . Whenever I switch on the channel I seem to run into some big man calling himself 50 cents ranting some know-nothings in a "now-beat-it-punk" hurried .. low amp voice… Id have to wait a good 10-15 minutes before I get to hear what I was hoping to hear…
The point im trying to drive home here is that its time we came up with music channels specific to an audience… I think VH1 has taken a step towards catering to the English music audience… I personally feel that its time there is a separate music channel for the die hard rock fans… one for the fans of the ever so fast speaking rappers and one even for all the hip shaking, pelvic thrusting , booty baring bimbettes…
Till then my computer and my ever increasing collection of music shall be my company…

Ps: these are solely my and only my views… Peace!!

hold on

I just happened to watch the video of this song called "Hold on" by "Good Charlotte". By the time they had finished, I was pretty disturbed.. The song is an anti suicide song written in response to all the kids who wrote letters to the band about how bad their lives had been and how they felt about living a hopeless life.The video shows fathers,mothers,brothers,sisters,friends talking about the dear ones they had lost.. I was particularly touched by an old man saying " This not the order of nature.. parents dont bury their children .. children bury their parents...". There also is a girl who says that she is happy to be still living...


This world, This world is cold
But you don't, you dont have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely
And no one seems to care
Your mothers gone and your father hits you
This pain you can not bare

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know

Your days, you say they're way too long,
And your nights, you can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for
But you dont want to no more
You're not sure what you're looking for
But you dont want to no more

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking you're one step closer
Don't stop searching its not over
Hold on

What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead...what are you waiting for?

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking you're one step closer
Don't stop searching its not over

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know
Hold on


I was really touched by this song ... I mean there were so many moments when I thought that life was just not worth living.. So many moments when I thought that I wasnt good enough for this world... So many times when I got so close to the edge..
There were times when i felt that there's nothing to do but just give up and cave in.It felt like my life was not heading where it was supposed to be ... I felt like a loser and the future didnt seem like it held too much promise for me either... Looking back now I thank my stars I didnt give up... I know how close I came to the edge and I know how bad things could have gotten. It might have seemed like THE answer then but I know now that it wasnt...
Thinking about those times kinds shakes me up but I know that I would'nt have been as strong as I am had I not been faced with those hard choices.. I KNOW that I was not dastardly .. I know that there is a purpose... and most importantly I KNOW that there are the special people who really care...

the cigarette that wasnt to be ... :)

Something weird happened to my friend that deserves a mention on my blog… Its not just strange but outright funny..
Ajay was out on Brigade road to have a good time. While his girl friend was busy shopping in one of the shops in the mall, he decided to have a quick smoke.The fellow found a crowded shack and managed to squeeze his way through the crowd ..
“Ek kings dena yaar…”
He tried to light the cigarette but the crowd was all over him.So he decided to get out of the place and then light the smoke stick. It took him a while to get out but when he did he realised that he had left his cigarette lighter back home… he looked around for some one with a a match but found nobody…
He struggled his way back into the shady shop and managed to light the fag with much difficulty.Another struggle and he was out of the shop.He was sweating and it had been almost fifteen minutes since he had left his girlfriend in the mall and come out looking for a cigarette. For a man who cannot spend an hour without a cigarette ,the relief was quite obvious.
Just as he was about to leave, a big man walked up to him and asked him for his lit cigarette. Ajay thought that the man was wanting to light his fag and so he gladly ofered it to him. The big man just said “Thanks, and walked away. Ajay trailed the man hoping that the man would give him back the cigarette. One puff, two and then another.. the man kept walking… He turned back , saw Ajay and asked
“ Dude, any problem?”
“My cigarette…. ”
“I thought you gave it to me…”
“I though u wanted to light your cigarette…”
“Well do you want it back then??”
“Eh.. ah.. er… no its ok … “
Ajay walked back to the mall… It was a good twenty five minutes since he had left his girlfriend at the mall. Now he would have to listen to her ranting and whats worse he hadnt even fagged… lol!!!!

Encounters of a different kind :)

Ah a little more about the fateful Ooty trip
We had gotten to Mysore when we kinda lost our way .. We had to get to Nanjangud and somehow every road from there seemed to head towards Bangalore.
We looked around for people to help us out but we could not find any… we decided to toss a coin and decide one direction and drive along that direction until we found someone or something that would direct us to Nanjangud… We did not have to drive too far actually… a little ahead we saw a middle aged man ambling along…
Elated at having found signs of life … we drove towards him and stopped the car beside him… He was a big man .
“ Sir, how do we get to Nanjangud”
There was a brief silence and then without a warning he opens the back door and gets into the car. We were visibly psyched.
“Oye, WTF??? What are you doing?”
No reply.. The man was making himself comfortable in the back seat. DJ and I jumped out of the car and tried to get the big man out of the car… There were no passers by and there was no way we could drag the mighty mass out of the car..
“DJ what if that fuck face has a knife or something?”
“Dude.. what should we do.. Shall we drive straight to a police station?”
“No man.. if we get to some place where we see enough people ..we will make some noise”
“But what if the bastard has a knife or something…”
We Peeped into the car and we realised that the man was druk.. he was enjoying his isesta in our car…
“Dj we will drive on… It’s the only thing we can do now.”
We got back into the car… I carefully pulled our bags from the rear area while DJ just drove on…
After two minutes of driving, the big man broke the deafening silence..
“Take a right here..”
I was carefully surveying the man for any signs of a knife or gun…
He said, “ I want to go to Nanjangud myself. I know the way. Theres no bus..I have to get there urgently”
We stayed silent but decided to take the right turn.
We kept driving and up ahead we saw a board “ NANJANGUD –22KM”
We looked around to find some people … only a few scattered shepherds and their goats…
The man tried to make conversation with us but we just stayed silent …
I decided to stay alert and sit ready to pounce in case I wiuld have to.
DJ was petrified now.He is never silent.. and to see his mouth closed for such a long time was really rare and it made me feel uncomfortable.
“Sir, I amd unemploeyd. Are you working?”
we stayed silent.
“I am married and I do not have money .Can you help me please.”
I was getting a little scared now. He was eginning to talk about money. Several thoughts raced across my mind. Is he harmles… Does he have more people waiting for us… Are we screwed???
The man was talking non stop now describing his sorry tales and trying to elicit some sympathy . We on the other had were trying our best to not freak out.
After driving for almost twenty minutes we reached a place where there seemed to be more people.
DJ atopped the car.
“Get out of the car”
“Sir please give me some money”
“Look we will just scream now . You better get out of the car now”
“Give me some money… You will be helping….”
“Dude get the fuck out of here before I scream my lungs out”
DJ was beginning to take a deep breath and was getting ready to give a shrill cry for help…
The mans lowly got out of the car. We were as alert as we could be.
Then he comes slowly towards my window and thrusts his hand into the car.
“Thanks for dropping me here”
I was freaked out… DJ started screaming.
The man looked cofused and he went away.
We drove really fast from there and after we had covered about forty kilometres we stopped the car . We spoke for the first time since we had dropped the man off near Nanjangud.
“Do u think the man was really harmless”
“I don’t know . Maybe he got scared of the people…”
“Maybe he was just plain drunk”
“You mean he dosent know he might be 22 kilometres from Mysore”
We laughed out aloud at the thought of having been fooled by a drunken moron .We laughed louder at the thought of leaving a drunken man twenty odd kilometres from his home… Man!!! But I still wonder … Why me?????



On a glorious trail :)


THE MAN and THE CAR... on the way to OOTY... :)

Duped by damn strawberr-man.

It was our first day in Ooty……
We were two guys in a car trying to make the most of a long weekend… The drive was tiring but worth it . The scenes that met our eyes were mind boggling to say the least. The weather was absolutely brilliant. We could sip hot chai in the open at 2pm on a summer afternoon….
We had all the time in the world and nothing else to do than to roam the rugged streets and ogle at the few pretty dames… Dhananjay suggested that we drive up a certain hill which was overlooking the greater part of Ooty…. I initially disregarded the idea as impractical but within an hours time… sheer joblessness drove us to the point of impracticality!!! Yeah baby!!! we did drive up afterall….
The drive up was along an extremely narrow stretch . The road was just about broad enough to permit one car .. One wrong move at the curves and we could well be history… We managed the drive pretty comfortably until we reached the point where the roads got much steeper . One man jumps right into our way.We brake hard to avoid the man. I even jumped out of the car and uttered choicest kannada abuses at him . He seemed rather bewildered at my expressiveness…. He made the most of the opportunity though and thrust a box of strawberries into my face …
“Organic strawberries sir….”
“Nahin chahiye yaar….”
“ No saar… good strawberry… made in India… very sweet… no fertilizer… no chemical… only natural”
“Nahin chahiya yaar…..”
“No sir … u no understnding… red strawberry… red inside also… see….”
And he bites into one amd proudly displays the insides….
“ see I told you sir… its red”
By now… DJ got out of the car , amused by the bald mans antics…
“Ok boss… how much is it???”
“Only 100 Rupess sir…”
“What the f***!!!! ”
“Organic sir… 20 strawberry sir…. Cheap…”
“ CHEAP MY FOOT!!!!! Five bucks an organifc strawberry???”
“no sir 20 strawberries only 100 rupees”
We were considering our options.. we could go on and on … the man would also go on n on.. we would never get anywhere.He was blocking the road.We couldn’t possibly drive any further without buying his strawberris.We couldn’t reverse either because the road was not wide enough to allow us to reverse .So in a way he strategically forced us into buying the strawberries…
We just about kept the strawberries in the car when our man reappears … this time with organic strawberry jam….
Man … another fifteen minutes of haggling and we were sitting in the car eating strawberries with strawberry jam…. All for rupess one hundred and fifty vonley!!!!! The drive to the top from there on was smoth… the scene from up there was absolutely amazing. We sat there for a long time feasting on chips and biscuits and the organic strawberries…
The drive downhill was less eventful.We reached the foothills in about half an hour.Of course this time we were careful enough to speed past the place before Mr. Organic Strawberry caught us again….
Conning is an art. Some people do it with flair while some just force the victim into submission… Getting conned just happens… only that with me it happens all the time… damn!!!!

my first interview.. :(

It was the second day of campus recruitment ... It was the turn of a huge company, with BIG market credentials, to woo the students on that day.... everyone was visibly excited... there were hazzaar rumours...

"Oye, i heard that they are coming for mass recruitment da...."
"no da... they will pick a few but they are paying big.. really big ..."
"hey heard they are setting up a new fab in Timbuktoo… they need people …. Might even pick a hundred…"

The pre placement talk was scheduled for 2 pm.. Everyone was slogging since the previous three days preparing for all possible questions the freaks may ask…
Some resourceful fellows even managed the qualifying papers from their friends in IITM where the company had just been before they landed in Surathkal. The typical Krecian Jugaad was to be seen everywhere… the zerox shops had queues of guys tryin to get a copy each of the probable questions… while back in the blocks the control c and control v keys were being used overtime…
When I stepped into to the mess for lunch,it was surprisingly empty… hardly anyone was there… everyone was apparently studying for the qualifiers…. I was wondering if I stood a chance at all…

At 2 pm I found myself sitting in the front row in the ATB…. I was listening attentively to all the crap they had to say..
"We are world leaders in….we can do that … this and the other… we are the best… "
[so??]

After all the ranting about their company, they decided half an hour of bragging was good enough…They finally revealed the package… it was a pretty huge pay-pack by all standards… so we were kinda excited about the entire thing…

Immedaitely after, they announced the rather high cut off which I barely cleared and then they started distributing the papers….
The paper was not the one that everyone had got from IITM… The company had lived up to its name… the faces of the students clearly lost a shade or two… all their efforts had gone waste…. Even I was a little flustered as it was only my second apti [thats what we called it]

Although I cleared the apti paper with ease… the technical section was a total bomb… it was hopeless trying to answer that paper… it was near impossible for anyone to crack that paper…

After an hour and a half I slowly trudged out of the hall.. everyone was clearly disappointed… the long faces said it all…[log long faces... some sight..]

The results were scheduled to be out round about 5 pm… and I had no hope whatsoever of qualifying for the interviews … so I decided to go to the adda… our very own “Krishnas” for my cup of tea…. I didn’t realise how time flew by and before I realised one of my friends came running towards me…

“Abbe tera naam list main hain…”
For a moment I did not undrstand what was going on…
“abbe jaldi chal yaar… tera interview bees minute main hain….”

I was in a state of shock… I had not expected in the least to have qualified…
I got up and ran towards the hostel… somehow I felt that having cleared the difficult test,I would sail through the interview ... [hopes...]

I dressed up hurriedly yet immaculately in my new pair of formals et al… I hurried towards the Placement centre… the light drizzle which was so common during those placement days slowly turned into a heavy shower… when I reached the placement centre I was wet … I did not even have a minute to breathe easy… Before I could gather by breath I realised I was in a small room , wet and panting before a young man who did not look too pleased with my presentation skills…
After briefly introducing myself I told him a little about my interests and my favourite subjetcs… He listened very patiently and then said…
“You are an electronics student eh… hmm… I do not know much of electronics but I will try to ask you something… ”
with this he started my technical interview… he asked me a couple of questions on electronics and then “What are the programming languages you know???”
“C sir”
“only C??”
“yes sir… we had only C in our syllabus”
“no C++ also??”
“no sir”
“hmmm… fine il give you a piece of code … tell me… " blah blah
“ ok sir”… blah blah..
[but I managed to give him the correct answers… and i was feelin really really good now]
“ tell me something about OOPS..”
“Object Oriented Programming sir”,I said with a gleam in my eye…
“what is that???”
“well I don’t know … but …”[WTF?? how am I suppposed to know??]
“u don’t know object oriented programming???”
“no… we dint have that in…”
“ok.. do u know a bit of Java??” [yeah rt!!!! ]
“No sir..”
“PL/SQL… data base management???”
“No sir…” [oye... dude im an electronics engineer]
“What else do u know in computers??”
“I know how to work on matlab , pspice VHDL n verilog…”
“what is that????? But u do not know OOPS concepts eh??”
[not again... ]
“No sir…”
“hmmm……. Where are you actually from??”
I realised that my interview ended there… I did not know what to do… I was so shaken up by the whole experience…
“ sir .. from Bangalore..”
“I am sorry Elwin but we are looking for highly technical computer guys”
I was about to scream, “Do I look like a friggin imbecile to you??”… but I managed to keep it down to a mumble…
“Thank you” I said and walked out….
That was my first interview… the results,negative and the after effects,still showing…

Answers????

Yesterday my cousin passed away. He was the liveliest of all my cousins… and I still cant believe that he is no more. Some say that it was stress at work while others say that it was a freak accident.Whatever it was,we will all miss this man who always brought a smile on our faces.
He was true to his name ,Joy, ever smiling and armed with a repertoire of underworld jokes... I miss him sorely. Even as I sat at the funeral service, many tens of people: friends, relatives and colleagues walked up and testified the glowing influence Joy had on them.I was wondering what an influence this man had on me... He taught me that life isn’t that bad... that it is NEVER bad enough to stop smiling... He may have joked and smiled away everything but deep inside he was as determined as ever, yet not stubborn... He would not let anyone control his life… He was the master of his life. He taught me how to live life to the fullest.
Even at the grave I was hoping that this was all one big joke … that he would rise up and laugh that hearty laugh which all of us admired…. But it was for real… I lost one of my closest friends and beloved cousin.
After everyone had left, I stood there and wondered, "what next???". Is this the end for Joy??? Or is it the beginning of a new life? Is there anything at all after this??? Does he even know that we miss him so sorely??? I hoped for a sign... but nothing was there... is there life after death??? Is there a meaning to death???
If He is all controlling, then why would he deprive a young life that He created, of the joys of a long and happy life??? I wonder now what our purpose on earth is. Was his purpose fulfilled that he had to die?? What is my purpose ??? Am I actually working towards my purpose??? Does anyone know the answers???

How many roads must a man walk down,
before you call him a man?
How many seas must a white dove fly,
before she sleeps in the sand?
And how many times must a cannon ball fly,
before they're forever banned?

The answer my friend is blowing in the wind,
the answer is blowing in the wind.

How many years can a mountain exist,
before it is washed to the sea?
How many years can some people exist,
before they're allowed to be free?
And how many times can a man turn his head,
and pretend that he just doesn't see?

The answer my friend is blowing in the wind,
the answer is blowing in the wind.

How many times must a man look up,
before he sees the sky ?
And how many ears must one man have,
before he can hear people cry ?
And how many deaths will it take till we know,
that too many people have died?

The answer my friend is blowing in the wind,
the answer is blowing in the wind.

The answer my friend is blowing in the wind,
the answer is blowing in the wind.
-Bob Dylan.